Boys! Where!

I've been whining about the lack of male company in my life for a while now. As in flirtatious male company. Really! I need some sort of entertainment to keep me sane. All those nice boys I know are just too adorable for me to dig my teeth into :D

But honestly, my predatory instincts aside, all the guys I know fit into four very specific categories:D

First, is all those boys who are just so nice and fun and sweet that I love them to bits and consider some of my best friends. You know who you are. They are the ones I can call at three in the morning and the most they'll do is yawn and then apologise. The ones that swear like savages and yet lecture me sternly when I use the smallest expletive. They love me in spite of all the scandalous things they know I've done or have done with me :D The ones who will forgive me for ignoring them for weeks at a stretch. These boys, my buddies and brudders! :-*

The next bunch is all those boys who are smart, funny and appealing. And also dating someone else! Really! Boys these days! They'll flirt with you and make you laugh and then subtely throw in the girlfriend with that adorable smile that just about prevents you from clobbering them. Aargh. And the girlfriend will be that annoying girl who you cant stand and your just left wondering how she had him and you were single!

The third group is the ones with the 'connection'. The guys your friend liked or had a crush on or dated or fought with or hates. Or his ex was your friends cousin or your cousins friend. This doesnt work, either you know too much about the guy and risk ruining the relationship because you already know everything there is to know. Or he knows too much about your friend+she has told him about you so the friendship goes kaput! Really more sensible to stay out of it.

The last group is everyone else. All the mental other people I know. They are adorable in their own way but the connection just isnt there. You can have random, "Hey", "How you doing?" conversation with them. Thats about it. Sigh.

Everytime us girls get together, we end up wondering if something is wrong with us. That a bunch of good looking, intelligent, single 18 year olds dont have guys to flirt with is just wrong! I protest! Maybe its the all girls college finally getting to me but WHERE ARE THE MEN!!?

Things were so much simpler a couple of years ago in school when boys hadnt discovered their egos and thought nothing of getting your number from whomever so THEY could make the first move. Now its the other way around! Like A said, "We check them out, we flirt with them, we ask them to eat"

Really boys! Step it up!

The madness begins again!

Its back! That time of the year when I go nuts and start running around for College Play. This year I'm in from day 1! Seems like it'll be real fun. I'm so excited!! So anyway, updates since I havent written in aaaages!

First of all, for all those people who thought my last post was about an ex/current or some sort of relationship, I'll clear it out. First of all I rarely write anything that can resemble poetry for this very reason! People start reading too much into it :) Its not an ex or a current, its mostly about relationships, primarily about me. And my relationship with myself which is a reflection of the relationships I have with other people :) Now thats cleared up!

Its been a crazy few weeks. With all my seminars, assignments and third comps ending, college play work happening and all those other things that have been driving me crazy! I've just realised that my 3rd semester is done. I'm done with half my time at college! A year and a half from here I need to make a call as to what I'm going to be doing or atleast have a vague idea! Aah!

Diwali was a fabulous weekend! Started off Friday with a get together at A's place! Its just been so so long since one of those! But we had an amazing time as usual! Its amazing what time can do to friendships. Somehow they dont erode. Really. I hardly talk to A or even T unless we meet up but it never seems to be a problem. We always talk like there has been no time between us.

Saturday morning I woke up and started making Diwali cards for the kids at Mottukal. I love making cards. Its so much fun, all the glue, the paper and the color. I absolutely adore it. Sat and made 30 cards while the lazy sister whose job it was just slept. We went to Mottukal after that. Was such a brilliant time. Ran around like a mad thing. I suppose it was also the fact that it was school. Managed to hurt myself too. Cut my feet in a million different places. But was worth it :) That evening we went out dancing. N, T, A and myself. They managed to get me into an ultra hot top that I adored wearing :) Met the rest of the bunch there. Danced away till about 11. M so kindly brought us home safe before the witching hour. Nice boy he is, and very hot too!

Sunday morning I woke up at N's place. Ridiculously early considering I slept at four-ish. Went to that orphanage we go to every easter. We set up a basketball hoop for them. Lets hope its still around when we go next!

Finally got done with all my seminars this week. I aced my African American assignment. S gave me such flattering comments I was thrilled! That is a paper I'm going to miss. I adored it. And she's so inspiring and passionate about it too! On that note I found out my papers next sem, Literary Criticism I and World Classics + Psychology and I've taken Journalistic Writing as a GE. The papers seem fun but the teachers could just bore me to death. On the positive note, toooons happening next sem! I'm so excited really!!

Now for progress on the play! We've set the dates. Booked the place. Started raising the funds! We've had to sign this deadly clause saying that if we dont raise a stipulated sum by the 31st of December they will cancel the play. Think we should be able to so.. Anyway for all you peeps- 5th, 6th and 7th of February! Alliance Francaise! BE THERE!!

Thats about all! See ya! Soonly! I promise :)

D!

Change

Something has changed.

Faintly.

The look when our eyes meet

Recognition

Familiarity.

And trust

Where it used to be

Curiousity

Fondness

And novelty.

I like this.

Its comforting

And soothing.

The way the smile curves

Easier now.

More genuine.

The words no longer needed.

I know the emotions

They’re honest

Your face is easier to read

I sense what lies beneath

It is trust

Your fingers find mine

Seeking reassurance

And solace.

The way your hair

Shapes your face

One brush will move it away.

Your eyes, Watching me

Comprehending.

You know me.

What lies beneath.

You’ve been

Where noone else has gained admittance

You still trust

And love

These months,

Have changed

You

Then again, you’ve also grown

Maybe not to the ideal

But admirable nevertheless

Ideal is simply perception.

I like you now.

Know you deeply.

You’ve changed.

Because of me or circumstance,

But change is good.

And constant.

Space and togetherness

It stands as a testament to love and the bonds of friendship that after merely six months I can bring skeletons out of the closet and it will be met with shock and a single expletive.

Memories trigger off other memories. The human mind is a powerful tool as I’ve discovered. It can block out, reshape and alter memories to suit needs. Something I’m not proud of doesn’t even come to my mind through regular conversation and suddenly, the recollection of one incident for no real reason brings it flooding back.

The thing with any relationships is that you’re no longer one person who has to deal with your past. You are part of someone else. My emotions, likes and dislikes are shared. With you. All my actions have implications. When those implications affect no one but me they are fine. My problem, something I have to deal with. I brought it upon myself. But now? They involve you. What I do, what I’ve done, affects you. It’s my responsibility.

I don’t know where this was hidden. Where it suddenly came out from. But it did and I know it hurt you, immensely. I don’t have a reason or explanation. For many reasons. There was no reason or explanation to it. It is a blur. There should have been tears but there were none. There should have been friends but there weren’t. I felt alone and
sought solace in the only place it appeared.

Where was my self-respect you asked? I didn’t have any. I had spent most of my life surrounded by a security blanket of my friends, school and parents. School was over, gone. College wasn’t significant enough yet. My oldest friends had deserted me. My newest friends wouldn’t understand. My refugee for the last two years, I had thrown away. My
parents, I wouldn’t talk to. Where did I go? To someone who seemed a friend. Someone who wouldn’t ask questions or expect anything.

I had gone deeper and deeper into a shell of myself. I honestly didn’t think or care what I got into. It was cowardly, weak and unnecessary, so why? I wish I knew. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I have done the same thing if it happened again? I don’t know. I don’t think I need to. It’s today that counts. Right?

Did it even mean anything to me you asked? In regard to this? No. It was like an escape. Mind numbing and thoughtless. I know I have messed with your trust. I’m surprised you can look at me without revulsion. I couldn’t look at myself for what I have done. Your right it is sick. Your right it is not something I would do. But I did.

I know this will change some things. My question is whether it’s changed the way you see you me? Do you still think I’m worthy of respect? And of your love? I know you do. It’s the most selfless amazing thing I’ve heard of. You are extraordinary and I’m honored you are part of my life.

I love my new phone, my laptop works fine and my dishwasher is perfect; but Lord, I miss my mind.

Anon

I am Indian!

Today is Independence Day here! Jai Hind and all that! Don't get me wrong I feel patriotism for my country but it really depends on how you define it. There are so many stereotypes to it. So much cultural confusion. But I am Indian.

If it involves me standing with my hand over my heart while the flag is hoisted early in the morning, I didn't do it. If it means wearing a flag all day I didn't do it. If it means having an opinion on whether or not India is shining, I do not. If it means waking up to political discussions, I don’t. Yet I am Indian.

I may not always wear a saree or practise yoga. I've never tried Ayurveda. Kamasutra is something my friends and I joke about. I barely speak my mother tongue and I don't even know all the languages the country has. I am Indian.

I don't plan to be a doctor or an engineer. Marriage is not something I'm even remotely considering. My latest knowledge of the constitution involves section 377. I am not religiously fanatic. I don't idolise Bollywood. I don't watch saas-bahu serials. I am Indian.

I don't know the meaning of my national anthem. I don't belong to a political side. I don't even have an opinion on political sides. I discuss kisses, boys and sex with my friends. I've seen the Taj Mahal just once. I am Indian.

I see cows on the street and think nothing of it. I don't have long black hair, big breasts and a tiny waist. I speak English well and I majoring in it. I cant cook anything, I can barely boil water. I watch cricket, football and tennis with equal passion. I know more English songs than Hindi or Tamil ones. I am Indian

I can eat food standing on the road and enjoy it immensely. I party, I drink, I don’t go to bed by seven. I speak my mind. I don’t let anyone tell me what to do. I’ve never read Amar Chitra Katha and I grew up on Enid Blyton. My ambition is not to be married and have two fair kids. I am Indian.

The strains of the national anthem make me stand up in respect. I agree with “matha, pitha, guru, deivam.” I wish India forward with all my heart. I believe that as Indians we should give back to our country what our country has given us. I believe we have an identity and a culture, roots that we should respect. I believe in my country, its heritage and its people. I love my country.

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

I Love my country. I am proud of its rich and varied culture. I shall always strive to be worthy of it.

I shall love and respect my parents, teachers and elders.

To my country and my people I pledge my devotion

Mental therapy required!

I need mental help!

This morning I got up. Late. And my mum said just stay at home, but no, good girl that I am I got all ready and started off to college. I reached college, about half an hour later, looked at the building, decided I was bored and got back home.

My mother thinks I'm crazy as does everyone else but I got such a kick outta it. If we arent allowed to do these crazy things once in a while whats the point right :D And plus I helped an old woman cross the road on my way back. Purpose of events see!

Anyway, I'm back home now. All comfy in PJ's. I have to take my sister out today and I think I'm gonna go get myself one of those fun pedicures. It tickles terribly but makes my feet feel all good. And then the rest of the MPTF plays this weekend! Yay! I love watching theatre like this. Fills my evenings and makes my so happy!

Tomorrow is independence day, I feel all terribly patriotic when I see all the tricolor everywhere. Like today when I saw everyone getting all prepared for it and selling little flags and other such patriotic fancies. The two times a year it comes out. I have tons to say on this so it'll be tomorrow :)

I have this mental computer guy who comes home and drinks up all juice :-x Stupid man of India. Keeps coming home and finishing all my juice. Evil. I swear he messes with my comp so he can keep coming home. Stoopid.

I'm off to buy more juice!

OkBye!

D

=]

Holdays mid week!

Happiness is holidays in the middle of the week. When its just there and you don't have to submit assignments or study for tests or do anything remotely taxing to your mind. I just finished my exams, two went alright, two were great.

Today is one of those days. I sat and mailed all those people I mail who I have been blatantly ignoring for a while. Felt horrid and I've been meaning to do it forever but I finally did it! I also sat and went through all my photos, the digital ones and deleted everything else. Decided I needed to have hard copies of my memories!

Everyone here is sick. All coughing and sneezing. Its scary. Everywhere we go there is all this swine flu awareness stuff! There are people walking around everywhere with those green masks. Looks like one of those end of the world movies.! And I know horrible people who send me text messages saying "The world is ending, go have a shower". Bad Boy M!

I swallowed a plum seed yesterday and I couldn't stop coughing and everyone got worried cause they thought I was sick! :P Yes I do such foolish things. Now I'm worried a plum tree will start growing in my stomach :O And then what happens? One of my biggest fears as a kid was that trees would grow in my stomach! I used to love playing in the sand and never used to wash my hands. Mum used to say that if i swallowed a seed and then sand got into my stomach and then water a tree would grow! Ah! Evil ways parents teach us things!

I've been going for the Metroplus Theatre Fest. Its so nice. I've seen some brilliant theatre so far. 'Hamlet and the Clown Prince' made me laugh so much an not it that slapstick 'oh good god' way! Sometimes when there are random people who burst out with laughter at completely wrong moments or who snort during a funeral scene I feel like whacking them. Its so ridiculous! Ah! Respect for theatre? Performance any? Anyway I wrote a citizen review thing for one of the plays and it got published, http://www.hindu.com/mp/2009/08/11/stories/2009081150170500.htm . Got cheap kicks from seeing my name in print.

So if I started a newspaper column, what do you think people would wanna read? I need OPINIONS and IDEAS. Tell me! Tell! TELL!

OkBye!

D

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

-Anne Frank

Montage Of A Dream Deferred

I have this poem as part of my African American paper this semester and sitting and reading it for my assesment tomorrow I realised that it actually spoke to me. The way poetry has always been famed to de. I've never managed to actually catch that. This came very close. I love Hughes poetry. He uses striking, blinding, almost painful images, that force you to notice them and react.

Dream Deferred

-Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over like syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

Like a heavy road

Or does it explode?