Intricate Interpretations

Moving

2010-10-16T14:48:00.000+05:30

Hey Guys,

I've been meaning to do this for a while now and its finally happened. You'll find all my writing and ranting on http://www.dhiyakuriakose.com/

I hope you enjoy it! Lovely having you here :)

Remember

2010-10-08T21:25:00.001+05:30

You know those people who have been around forever? And you know them but never really connect. And then one day something happens and suddenly they are such an intricate part of your life you dunno why it took so long. Thats Chits. College Play happened. I dunno why it took so long.

From studying together and working together to being inseparable and bonding over Theatre, Chits and I have come so far. I would have never been half of myself if she hadnt gotten me involved in BaBaOH. Unfairly gifted and impossibly nice, Chits is one of my favourites. The picture defines her so perfectly to me, introspective and yet incredibly open. And this is just another reason why :)

I love you Chits :)

You are beautiful

when the lights shine into your eyes
and lights up everything inside -
one space, one breath,
a synchronized heartbeat.
Stars aligned, not slid together by
a cooperative universe,
but yanked together
by the force of your will.
I tell myself, this is the closest I will come to
a perfect kind of happiness -
a complicated happiness
dissolving in our palms,
even before we knew it was there,
before we could breathe it.

You are beautiful,
you – not your pores, hair, muscle -
no, I mean the worlds you hold within you,
the worlds you have the power to unleash
to hold back, give, take, change.
Those worlds bubbling just under your skin
frothing and breaking in your voice, in your dance,
seething under the surface of your silences.
Worlds roaring, rumbling under your dissatisfaction
at the distance between the reality that is, and what could be.

You are beautiful,
not just in the way the light catches in your smile,
but in the way you let yourself be stretched far and deep,
let others be warmed by the flames in you.
There will be other moments like this one, almost perfect,
dissolving and recreating like this night melting away in our breath -
but, remember this space, this feeling,
this synchronized heartbeat. It is a part of us,
and it would never have happened,
if not for you.

Sonnet 1

2010-10-03T20:56:00.002+05:30

I have this amazing friend who is now a published author. Over the last two and a half years we have grown incredibly close. She's a brilliant writer and a terrific human being. An off statement in class resulted in her writing me a sonnet. Iambic Pentameter and all. You can find her here . And below is what she wrote me. If I was the crying type, I would have cried but this touched me in so many ways. I love you Priya.

The world is not enough, and words cannot say,

How much it means that she's a part of my life.

So dark the night, and hot the day

But still she comes to lessen my strife.

We've spun Fortune's wheel, we've wound

Up the charm; we've worked, laughed and hopped

We've grown in leaps and in bounds --

And never on the way my hand she's dropped.

So say, do you hear the glad song of my heart?

She is coming, she's coming, a gleam in her eye

A skip in our step, before she departs --

Howe'er it was that tempers ran high;

For she is the one, the one, the only one

Whom I'd trust when I need a battle won.

The Palace of Illusions – A rewriting of the Mahabaratha By Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

2010-10-02T20:20:00.003+05:30

The Palace of Illusions morestrictly falls under the sphere of feminist writing, but being a text writtenby a South Asian author and one that is so easily identified with so manythings Indian, I have chosen to analyse it. No one can deny that South Asianliterature is flourishing like never before. Both in the native languages andthrough translations, it is fast becoming one of the most varied and productivegenres of literature. Constantly adapting and changing the approach to the textSouth Asian writing speaks of truths and issues which has been buried for solong.

Before analysing anytext, especially of South Asian origin, it helps to know the authorsinfluences. More often than not, these influences play a big part in theirwriting. ChitraBanerjee Divakaruni, was born Chitralekha Banerjee, is an author of IndoAmerican origin whose works are largely set in India and the United States, and often focus on the experiences of South Asian immigrants. She has done immense amount of workfor South Asian women everywhere. MAITRI, which she founded with the helpof some of friends in 1991, is a helpline--the first South Asian service of itskind on the West coast. Women in situations of distress call in and talk totrained female South Asian volunteers and discuss their problems. Divakaruniclaims, “I have always been interested in women'sissues and conditions, and desirous of making changes--but that isn't true.When I lived in India, I was totally immersed in the culture, and thus totallyaccepting of it. I never thought of women's rights, or their problems. Ifthings were hard for us, I reasoned that that was just the way of the world.Wasn't it the same everywhere?”

Her2008 book ‘The Palace of Illusions’ speaks of the great Indian epic,Mahabaratha, through the eyes of Draupadi, who was also fondly known asKrishnaa or Paanchali. Born from the fire, it was prophesied before her birththat princess Draupadi would be the reason for the bloodiest wars in history.The Mahabharatha tells us of the war that was caused by an insult to one womanand her thirsting need for revenge that eventually wipes out the third age ofman. What is not told is what went through Draupadi's mind during all thesemoments and events that altered history? In a world and society dominated bymen, in a world where the role of the wife was just about taking care of herhusband and family and their needs, Divakaruni’s book gives us a chance to takea look into the mind of the women who changed it all and in the process set theball rolling for generations to follow.

Divakaruni’sretelling tells this story and somewhere the reader finds it easy to believethat the emotions Draupadi feels are what every woman of South Asian originencounters in regard to her independence and will to survive.

Thereare certain points in the book that identify it perfectly with South Asianwriting beginning with the issues she deals with. The hate and revenge thatfuel Draupadi is a forerunner of what was cause for every bitter war fought forIndo-Pakistani soil. The bitterness thatfestered at an insult and loss drove her so much that Draupadi realises nothingbut revenge can satisfy her.

Anotherinteresting factor deals with the title of the book itself and with the feelingof identity. The Palace of Illusions, which was the beautiful palace that wasbuilt specially for the Pandavas and Draupadi by the asura Maya, is in so manyways the only place she calls home. The feeling of displacement and searchingfor a home is one that is very common throughout South Asian Writing. Thepalace, which disintegrates to when Duryodhan tries to claim it, was the onlyplace where Draupadi, Princess of the Pandavas, was truly herself and found asense of peace and belonging.

Thecolourful characters that fill the novel are what give it its brilliance.Draupadi and her emotional war are the central themes of the text but there arealso the Pandavas agreeing to battle to put an end to the ruling of their badnatured cousin Duryodhan to avenge their wife. Duryodhan, who has alwaysworried about losing Hastinapur one day to its rightful owners and was obsessedwith the need to cheat his cousins out of their rights. His blind fatherDirdhirashta could never get over the fact that his better brother Pandu wasmade King over him and ruled until he was cursed!

Kuntiis a passive aggressive character who raises her sons with the sole aim ofclaiming back what was theirs. Mahaswetha Devi has her own rewritings of Kuntibut here the chief focus is the relationship between Kunti and Draupadi. Theimage is of a mother who does not lose her sons to a wife. Every move that ismade from the statement that causes Draupadi to be wife to five to the toughcircumstances Kunti faces and triumphs shows that they hated each other’s gutsand character.

Anotherprominent feature in the novel is Karna, the man who wanted to belong and foundpeace only in death. Draupadi’s guilty attraction to her husbands’most dangerous enemy cause her to live with the regret and eventually theknowledge that Karna is all that he is because of her rejection at the swayamvarwhere she found her husbands.

The book did not fail to mentionthe magic of Krishna and the specialbond that he shares with Draupadi thanks to the colour of their skin, the wayhe uses his wits and charms to pacify even those who curse him and how he neverforsakes his believers are all very aptly touched upon in the book.

The book worked for me because everycharacter seemed to be reflected in today’s society. While the setting is anepic tale the characters and their traits are very modern and relevant. Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni said once,"The art of dissolving boundaries is what living is all about." Andthat is exactly what The Palace of Illusions manages to do while remaining trueto all things Indian.

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

Divakaruni, Chitra Banerjee. The Palace of Illusions.Picador India. 2008.

Holmstrom, Lakshmi. The Inner Courtyard Stories by IndianWoman. Rupa and Co. 2002.

Moveover, men!. Rumina Sethi. The Tribune. Sunday, September 19,2010

THE PRINCESS PERSPECTIVE

2010-10-02T20:18:00.002+05:30

As a kid, I grew up on a diet of Disneymovies and princesses, while I was never the princess type the movies heldfascination for me because of the big castles they lived in and when I picturedmyself I always wanted to be the one rescuing of the Prince. As I grew olderand consequently more cynical my take on Disney changed and I began to questionwhat, was once a standard in my life.

Disney seems to have progressed sincetheir 1937 movie of ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’, their latest movie, ThePrincess and the Frog (2009) has an African American Princess (Tiana) who israther unconventional in the Disney sense of Princess. Thefilm, unfolds against a raucous backdrop of voodoo and jazz. Tiana dreamsof running a restaurant (and is working two jobs to get there), does notbelieve in fairy tales and is persuaded to kiss a frog who really is a prince.The refreshing thing is also how she seems quite uninterested in men and isaware of the pressures of her race and gender. However this does not eliminateall the criticism that Disney has generated for their treatment of the‘princess’.

The change that ‘The Princess and theFrog’ brings has taken time to come to the screen, although black feminism hasbeen around for the last 40 years, and America has lived with people of colourfor much longer. The movies of the last century, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty,The Little Mermaid, The Beauty and the Beast, show the woman in a ratherdisturbing light. They seem to emphasise that a woman’s only asset is herphysical appearance, an image that has been reinforced as the ideal for girlsaround the world. More disturbing than the content of the movies is thephenomenon that occurred in the early 2000’s - The Disney Princess.

The origin of the Disney Princessesas a brand is a fairytale in itself. Andy Mooney played the part of the princein shining armour. He joined Disney in January 2000 to save a consumer-productsdivision whose sales were dropping by as much as 30 percent a year. A monthlater a line of princesses were born, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White,Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Mulan and Pocahontas. What started out as a few princess outfits became anovernight sensation as Disney enchanted 3- to 6-year-old girls throughoutAmerica with everything from princess comforters and princess backpacks toprincess-emblazoned sneakers.

Every reporter asks Disney some version of, ‘Aren’t the Princesses, who are interested onlyin clothes, jewellery and cadging the handsome prince, somewhat retrograde rolemodels?’ Andy Mooney has a standard reply to this, “I have friends whoseson went through the Power Rangers phase who castigated themselves over whatthey must’ve done wrong. Then they talked to other parents whose kids had gonethrough it. The boy passes through. The girl passes through. I see girlsexpanding their imagination through visualizing themselves as princesses, andthen they pass through that phase and end up becoming lawyers, doctors, mothersor princesses, whatever the case may be.”

Lyn Mikel Brown, co-authorof a book on growing up and girlhood says, “Playing princess is not the issue.The issue is 25,000 Princess products. When one thing is so dominant, then it’sno longer a choice: it’s a mandate, cannibalizing all other forms of play.There’s the illusion of more choices out there for girls, but if you lookaround, you’ll see their choices are steadily narrowing.”

There have been no organised studies,as far as I could find, proving that playing princess directly damages girls’self-esteem or dampens other aspirations. On the other hand, there is evidencethat young women who hold the most conventionally feminine beliefs — who avoidconflict and think they should be perpetually nice and pretty — are more likelyto be depressed than others and less likely to use contraception (India Todayconducted the survey with regard to Barbie in 2007). What’s more, the 23percent decline in girls’ participation in sports and other vigorous activitybetween middle and high school has been linked to their sense that athletics isunfeminine.

In a survey released last October byGirls Inc., school-age girls overwhelmingly reported a paralyzing pressure tobe “perfect”, which included not just topping the class and being popular butalso to be “kind and caring,” “please everyone, be very thin and dress right.” Itis the pressure to be it all. In saying that girls they can be anything, theworld has inadvertently demanded that they be everything.

Disney’s’ Mulan, one of the moreliberated princesses, showed a girl who leaves home, dresses as a man to saveher father, defends her country for all she is worth and she finds love in theend, which of course is the prerogative to happiness in the Disney world. Thisis essentially the problem with the movies. Even the most ‘feministicallycorrect’ movies say that happiness is having a man by your side while skimmingover the facts of race, gender and the ability to be as good as men.

There is of course the other side; maybeprincesses are in fact a sign of progress, an indication that girls can embracetheir fondness for pink without compromising strength or ambition; that theycan finally “have it all.” Or maybe it is even less complex than that andpurely Freudian; maybe a princess is sometimes just a princess and we arereading too much into it.

Disney has created stereotypes in thepast, withMulan and more recently The Princess and the Frog, they seem to have taken thatvital first step forward in promoting self image for girls everywhere, albeitforty years late.

WorksCited:

Walt Disney Studios. The Princess andthe Frog. 2009

Walt Disney Studios. Snow White and the SevenDwarfs. 1937

Walt Disney Studios. Mulan. 1998.

Orenstein, Peggy. The Princess Diatribe.New York Times, 2005

Brown, Lyn Mikel And Lamb, Sharon.Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Marketers’ Schemes. St.Martin’s Press. 2006

Barnes, Brooks. Her Prince Has Come. Critics Too. TheNew York Times, Los Angeles. May 29, 2009

Marr,Marissa. Disney Reaches to the Crib to Extend Princess Magic. The Wall StreetJournal. November 19, 2007

DISNEY: APPLYING PROPP’S THEORIES Aladdin; Cinderella; The Lion King

2010-10-02T20:17:00.003+05:30

VladimirPropp examined hundreds of folk myths and fairytales in Russia in 1928. Hiswork was generally unnoticed in the West until it was translated in the 1950s.The Russian formalist scholar identified 8 typical charactersand 31 functions which can be applied to almost any story, be it in literature,film, theatre and television. Propp's theory is a form of structuralism whichis a view that all media is inevitably in the form of certain fixed structures.

While Propp’s research is focussed on Russian folktales, I’ve chosen to focus on the more contemporary Disney and apply hisfunctions and character types to the same. Disney has always held greatfascination, being the staple diet every girl grows up on. From the beautifulprincess to Prince Charming, they were the stuff dreams were made off. 17 yearslater childhood stories are revisited and put under Vladimir Propp’smicroscope. Aladdin, Cinderella and The Lion King.

Aladdin (Hero) is the story of a young man whogrew up without any parents, and learned to survive on his own in the streets. PrincessJasmine (Princess) is the daughter ofthe Sultan. Trapped in the paradise that is her life, she jumps over the palacewall and explores the land she has only heard of. Walking through themarketplace, she meets Aladdin (Hero isintroduced). Meanwhile,the Sultan (Father), frustrated overhis daughter's stubbornness, is unaware of Jasmine's whereabouts, and turns tohis royal vizier, Jafar (the villain, the donor, the dispatcher and the false hero), for a solution.What the Sultan does not know is Jafar's evil plot to find a certain magic lampand take over as ruler. Jafar discoversthat Aladdin is the "Diamond in the Rough"(Villain receives information about the hero)and captures and imprisons him, telling Jasmine that he is dead. (Villain carries away hero)

Jafar tries to deceive Aladdin by telling himif he will help him obtain the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, that he will inreturn offer him the rest of the treasure. Jafar is attempting to deceiveAladdin by lying to him because Aladdin is the “diamond in the rough,” meaninghe is the only one who can retrieve the lamp. (Trickery) The magic carpethelps Aladdin to escape the cave, where Jafar tries to kill Aladdin and takethe lamp (Villainy/Hero is tested) However, Aladdin manages to survive and keep hold of thelamp. (Beginning of Counter Action)

Aladdinrubs the magic lamp and a genie (Helper/Dispatcher)comes out and reveals that he will grant Aladdin three wishes (Receipt Of A Magical Agent) Aladdin'sfirst wish is to become a prince so he can marry Jasmine, but is rejected byher until she realises his true identity (Hero given new appearance)

Jafar once again captures Aladdin, convincing theguards to chaining him and throwing him into the ocean, but Aladdin uses hissecond wish to escape. (Hero is pursued and rescued from pursuit) Aladdinthen returns to the palace and reveals Jafar's evil plot to Jasmine and theSultan. (Exposure)At the end ofthe story the Sultan changes the law so thatAladdin and Jasmine can be married and they celebrate their engagement (Heromarries)

With Cinderella, it is a tale of a youngwoman living with her step mother (The Villain)and two step sisters (The False Hero). She works as a servant for them andcaters to their every need. She does all the cooking and cleaning, and istreated like a servant. The Prince (TheHero) of the village sends out invitations (Hero is introduced) to a ball held in his honour to all the villagers,Cinderella begs to go but her step mother will not let her (Villainy).

The night of the ball arrives, and thesisters and mother leave. Cinderella cries her heart out, much to the despairof Gus and Jaq (The Donor) A FairyGod Mother (The Helper) appears anduses her magic so that Cinderella (Receivinga magic agent). Gus andJaq work together to make Cinderella a beautiful dress so she can go to theball and they also steal the key to the attic from Cinderella’s wickedstepmother, in an attempt to save her. The fairy Godmother turns a pumpkin into a carriage and tells Cinderella that the spell will only last untilmidnight.

Cinderella goes off onto the ball, and while sheis there she attracts quite a bit of attention especially from the Prince. Thetwo dance all night, till Cinderella hears the clock chime. She remembers whather god mother said, and dashes off, leaving only a slipper behind. The Princeis desperate to find this mystery woman. The Princes father, who encourages him in his new found mysterious love,demands that a search for the mysterious maiden is conducted, and sends hismost devout servant with the remaining glass slipper to find her. The servant goes to all the women of the village tofind its owner. Just when all hope is lost Cinderella’s step sisters try theshoe Cinderella then tries on the shoe and it fits perfectly shocking everyone,especially her step sisters and evil step mother.Cinderella marries her Prince Charming and lives happilyever after. (Hero marries)

The Father is a character who is missingfrom the fairytale but the story opens with his tragic death.

The Lion King has been aneternal favourite, a young lion prince;Simba (The Hero) is born, thus makinghis uncle Scar (Villain/False Hero)the second in line to the throne. Scar plots with the Hyenas to kill KingMufasa (Villain causes harm) andPrince Simba, thus making himself king. The king is killed and Simba is led tobelieve by Scar that it was his fault (Villainattempts to deceive hero with trickery), and so flees the kingdom in shame (Member of the family absents himself fromhome) leaving behind childhood sweetheart Nala (The Princess/The dispatcher). Timone and Pumba (The Helper) are Simba’s friends whodiscover and look after Simba. After years of exile he is persuaded to return home(counteraction/location shift) tooverthrow the usurper (Villain defeated)and claims the kingdom as his own (Truehero is recognised). Simba and Nala are married (Hero marries and ascends throne).

The other two characters are Rafiki, the all-knowingmonkey, who is the donor and Nala’s mother Sarafina. The princess’s father isleft out and Sarafina seems the closest.

AnalysingDisney is always fun, however applying a theory written in the 1920’s tocontemporary media is hard. While even the adaptations of the Disney tales havemaintained loyalty to the characters and functions, the original itselfcontains disparities with every character/function not necessarily beingclearly defined. These structures are often culturally derived and formexpectations in the mind of an audience from within that same culture.

WorksCited:

Walt Disney Studios. Aladdin. 1992.

Walt Disney Studios. Cinderella. 1950.

Walt Disney Studios. The Lion King. 1994

Vladimir,Propp. Morphology of theFolktale. Universityof Texas Press: Austin and London. 1968

www.imdb.com

Dear H

2010-09-11T11:25:00.000+05:30

Like I said I still cant figure out when all the closeness and bonding happened but it did. And I will miss the boy who has gossip about every single person and Facebook-stalks the world J We haven’t know each other every long or very closely. Exactly a year in fact.

Where the year has gone for both of us is beyond me but fact is you’re all ready to run away. I can only imagine all the drama you must be displaying, such a flair for it you have no? I promise if I ever stop over at London while you are there, you can show me sights and sounds :)

Watching you at MUN was so much fun. I think you are meantto have an audience. When you get up and speak, you enjoy people listening andmostly they do. Mostly :P And creating scandalous gossip was fun too :D I stillget occasional questions about you.

I know I told you I think your mum is the cutest thing ever,don’t think I told you how adorable it was to watch you with her. I love what aprotective son you are. Its that side of you I just never got to see. I’m gladI did. I’m sure she will miss you.

My mom thinks you are the most adorable thing, I know youget great pride in it :D She gave lunch in your honor and all. Thats pushing itcause I don’t think she’s given too many lunches in MY honour. Anyway, this is cause I coulnt figure out what to get youand I figured a mirror would be too heavy to carry around :D

So much love! Stay in touch!

Withdrawal and the like

2010-08-21T14:21:00.002+05:30

I'm stuck with a terrible hangover. Yet, not a drop of alcohol was consumed. Its been three days since SMC MUN, the Facebook activity has not slowed down and the withdrawal symptoms are not going anywhere.

The MUN for me was two months of frantic running around, dealing with all the administrative protocol that seems to be the bane of my existence that culminated in three days of frantic running around :) But it was all worth it.

Anyone who knows me will probably be rolling their eyes thinking, 'So you're a workaholic, of course it was worth it. What else is new?' But thats the thing. SMC MUN would have been just another event in my schedule but what made it so special was the feedback it recieved. SO much warmth and affection from everywhere and so much appreciation for a first time event.

What I treasure most is that I've met people that I've come to respect in so many ways. P, for taking an idea and turning it into what I hope is the first of our successes for the year. And for navigating through all that you had to in every way. S, for sticking it through with her. A, for dealing so efficiently with Sr.H and being so incredibly modest about it. S and D, for those countless emails you replied to, all the student affairs you dealt with. N, for being a brilliant delegate and working so dedicatedly on sponsorship. S, hospitable hospitality Murgi. And of course, R and T.

My Union, for ever ensuring that the Union Room is a place that I know I can unwind and chill and be a reciepient of all the hugs and love I need and also get my alone time. It is astounding to me that after barely five months together we gel so well. You guys are incredibly brilliant. Fly High indeed <3

N, Vanuatu will always be dear to me and I'm so proud of you. Thank you for being such an incredible friend. Your are probably the only person in the entire world who can say, 'You cant lie to me' and mean it. You're the only one who can see through it everytime. I love you. Just knowing you're around makes me feel better all the time.

H, USA provided me so much amusement and fueled so much gossip :D Only you can make me want to sit and gossip with you. Even though you failed miserably in your personal agenda I still heart you. And congrats :)

I also met some brilliant people and I'm so glad :) I'm cynical about my ability to keep in touch with people in general but I hope this time will be different. CanadaChild who thinks I'm a hippie, Post-It boy, China who joins me in FaceBook Spamming aforementioned Post-It boy, India who plans theatre with me :)

I mis SMC MUN, but yes, I'm already making lists for the next event. Not to mention for events in January + GRE + TOEFL + Applications + College in General.

XOXO
D

I have a dream

2010-08-17T04:22:00.000+05:30

I live in a world whereviolence is an everyday occurrence, where rape is no longer a rarity, where waris the route to peace, where politics decide fates. I live in a country wheremoney can buy justice, where corruption is a way of life, where education andfood are luxuries, where child labour goes unchecked. I live in the knowledgethat I have a dream.I will not say that dreams are thesurest way to success. I will not say that dreams are easy to follow. I willnot even say that dreams are safe. But I will say this - without dreams, lifewould lose its sheen, and regress tomere existence.

Sometimes I wonder whether it is worthwhile to dream and then I rememberthe man who immortalised the words, ‘I have a dream’ and what it achieved.Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights movement is the first thought on everypersons mind when they hear the words but the achievement often dwarves thedream. What began as a passionate cry went on to become a revolution.

Dreams by definition are an attempt at the inconceivable, before theWright brothers the world believed that flying was for birds, before AlexanderGraham Bell conversations happened face to face, before Edison it was wax thatlit up our lives, before Karl Benz horse power will still be a true statement,before James Watt, a steam engine led industrial revolution may have died inits infancy, before Gutenberg and his printing press, knowledge, dreams andideas would still exist in pockets. Before dreams there was stagnation.

I have a dream for my generation: As the youth of ageneration blessed abundantly in more ways than we can count, I believe that wehave the ability to make our dreams and the dreams of our forefathers’ reality.It is our dreams that will determine the course of the future of this nation.We build worlds out of our dreams. We build lives. We have the ability to shapethe flow of events, beginning in our very own colleges and leading out into theworld. I dream of leaving a mark this year. I dream that we make a significantdifference to one person’s life this year. I dream we plant five trees. I dreamchannel our energies into constructive avenues of learning and development. Wehave the right, responsibility, duty and - above all - privilege to lead thisgeneration of young citizens into the outer world. And make dreams reality.

I have a dream for my country: A famous Indianonce put it eloquently, "A moment comes, which comes but rarely inhistory, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends and whenthe soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance." Famous words,spoken by the country’s first prime minister just after midnight, on Aug. 15,1947. What Nehru was referring to, of course, was the birth of India as anindependent state. What we are witnessing today is the birth of India as anindependent society—boisterous, colourful, open, vibrant and, above all, readyfor change. I dream that every child has the undeniable, uninhabited access to education. I dream of an India where men and women can stand shoulder to shoulder and claim responsibility for our country. I dream of a country where caste is not a consideration. India's growth maybe messy, chaotic and largely unplanned but Indiais growing. The nation of 1.2 billion people after 63 years of independencedeservedly stands poised on the edge of economic, political and socialgreatness. We can take it across.

I have a dream for my world: I dream of peace, ofprosperity, of tolerance, of understanding, of equality among very differentpeople.I dream of a world where speech is free andsilence is valued. I dream of a world where rivers can flow and trees can grow.I dream of a country where corruption is not the key to every obstacle. I dreamof a world where youth and experience will learn to walk side by side. I dreamof a world where power is not determined by political strong-arming. I dream ofa world where every person has a voice. I dream.

Thank You

Quick Death

2010-08-17T02:21:00.001+05:30

Hard to Slot

The play opened with a brilliantly impressive voice emerging from the darkness. The scenes that followed, however, were lost on the audience. The sets were brilliant, and the lights enhanced every movement, creating a very film noir feel. The play was hard to pin down, as it didn't seem to have a particularly identifiable story line that could take the play forward.

Dhiya Kuriakose

Annanagar East

This article appeared in the Citizen Review Section of The Hindu Metroplus dated 17th August 2010

Khatijabai of Karmali Terrace

2010-08-17T02:18:00.001+05:30

'Khatijabai of Karmali Terrace' takes us through a woman's life from her childhood, loss of her parents, being passed around relatives, her marriage and her rise to being the family matriarch. The monologue surprised me with its powerful actor, the authenticity with which her voice changed while she was chewing paan and the quiver that entered it during old age. The actor painted some very vivid images, including some of her reciting poetry as a child and her descriptions of house parties. Adapted to fit the Indian context, the original set in Singapore and called ‘Emily of Emerald Hill', the story seems to speak of human behaviour and its complexities that are common to most cultures and societies. The play was captivating for most of its length, dipping slightly midway where it got repetitive and struggled to move forward. The lighting design was very effective. The play was worth watching for it managed to recreate an era we have only heard of.

DHIYA KURIAKOSE

Annanagar East

This article appeared in the Citizen Review Section of The Hindu Metroplus dated 16th August 2010 and won the Park lunch for two :D

I'm taking Daddy.

Rafta Rafta - Citizen Review

2010-08-14T23:34:00.001+05:30

Cliched jokes

‘Rafta Rafta' was a play marketed as an award-winning comedy. Unfortunately, the jokes seemed clichéd and many fell flat. The production was a lengthy two hours with a lot of redundant dialogue. The Indian parents were definitely the most entertaining and had the best lines. For me, the sets were the best thing about the play. They convincingly created a cramped, but cosy two-level home which complemented the characters' frustrations of living in close proximity to one another. The set changes were occasionally annoying, as there were long moments of darkness where nothing happened. A play with a lot of unfulfilled potential.

Dhiya Kuriakose

Annanagar East

This article appeared in the Citizen Review Section of The Hindu Metroplus dated 14th August 2010

Ms Meena - Citizen Review

2010-08-14T23:33:00.000+05:30

Impeccable timing

Perch's ‘Ms. Meena' managed to combine street theatre, cinema, excellent music and an incredibly creative use of props into a play where the comic timing was impeccable.

My favourite part of the play, apart from the great singing and movie-worthy sequences, was the incredible use of props, from the plastic wrap waterfall to the place of worship.

Dhiya Kuriakose

Annanagar East

This article appeared in the Citizen Review Section of The Hindu Metroplus dated 10th August 2010

Citizen Review - Break Out Dance Comedy

2010-08-09T22:34:00.000+05:30

Lasting impression

The first play of anyfestival risks the chance of being forgotten by the end of it but ‘Break Out:Extreme Dance Comedy' that opened the The Hindu MetroPlus Theatre Festival willnot suffer that fate. It destroyed every stereotype of dance and theatre that Iknew. I loved how the spotlights were used and the way the play so seamlesslyshifted from the stage to the audience. The visual panels on the side weremildly distracting but admittedly necessary. Judging from the hoots and applause,except for when the play slowed down a little around the 50th minute, it wasdefinitely a play that will be remembered for a while to come!

Dhiya Kuriakose

Annanagar East

This article appearedin the Citizen Review Section of The Hindu Metroplus dated 9th August 2010

Aadi : Of Stores and Sales

2010-08-01T19:40:00.000+05:30

My latest article, one I wrote in about six hours. Forgive the cliche.

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It is that time of the year again. The signs proclaiming SALE prop out like mushrooms and every store seems to be having discounts. Everything from clothing to consumer durables is on sale. Come Aadi and the city seems to transform into a shopper’s paradise.
For those of us who are unaware, ‘Aadi Maasam’ is the fourth month in the Tamil calendar and it is believed that the Sun God, Surya, changes his direction from north to south in this month. Traditionally, most people avoid auspicious ceremonies during this period. It is believed that ceremonies held during this period do not have the blessings of the Gods. However, a few important celebrations and rituals do take place in the Aadi month. Women in particular partake in several rituals and ceremonies during this month.
The whole concept of Aadi sales however seems to be a relatively new one. Things have changed over the years, with the onslaught of commercialization. Aadi seems to have turned from a month of religious significance to one of commercial value. When did this happen and more importantly, why? “Less than six to seven years ago Aadi was month where the lady deity was honoured and worshiped.” says Tushita Murali, entrepreneur, “people used to consider it inauspicious to purchase anything new. Today there is such a change in the way people think that sales are enough incentive to overturn tradition.”
The month, supposedly being an inauspicious time for new purchases is obviously a lull period for retailers. The incentive of sales is to ensure that businesses do not suffer too much. The prudent shopper is always on the lookout for good bargains and with the festive season approaching it seems like a good time to shop. However in spite of all the sales and discount offers, today’s consumer is value conscious feels Chitralekha Ramachandran, “Consumers know what they want. They are not be fooled by sales. Times have changed and we no longer live in a time where the word sale would drive people into a mad frenzy. Consumers are a much more discerning lot today.”
Vasugi Ram Manohar, a homemaker, echoes the sentiment, “I never shop during Aadi sales. I normally enjoy sales but during this period it often seems like a gimmick. Buying is subject to need and not to availability.” While a large number of people seem cynical about Aadi sales and its value, the lure of a 50% off sign does bring in the crowds. Rita Balakrishnan (name changed on request), a media professional says she does plan some of her shopping for Aadi. “There are certain things for which I will wait for Aadi sales to purchase. Home furnishings are an area where there are excellent deals during this time and I definitely wait and do my shopping for it during Aadi.”
There are also a group of people who seem confused as to what all the hue and cry over Aadi is about. “I don’t know if it is an auspicious time or not because on one hand I know people do not shift homes or conduct weddings or wedding purchases while on the other hand there are people streaming into stores and shopping en masse.” says Akila Srikanth, a working professional.
The transformation in the way people view Aadi is an excellent example of making lemonade when life gives you lemons. Retailers over the years with their marketing techniques have completely transformed the mindset of the general public which if nothing else will make an interesting case study. All we can say is Happy Shopping!

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This was for A Space Marketing Feature in The Hindu, dated 31 July 2010

Sarah's Key

2010-06-13T14:29:00.003+05:30

The book is a touching portrayal of one of the darkest incidents in French history – Veld’Hiv - the July 16, 1942 roundup of 13,000 Parisian Jews by the French policefor their eventual transport to the Auschwitz death camp. De Rosnay tells thestory by alternating the first person narrative of Sarah Starzynski, a ten yearold involved in the incident, and Julia Jarmond, an American journalist livingin Paris and doing a story on the incident sixty years later. The stories arewoven together till midway through the book.

What made me love the book was also its weakest point. The alternating structure works brilliantly. The story shifts between Julia researching and discovering people and incidents from the event and Sarah’s description of the terrors that surrounded her family. Exactly half way through the book however there is a meeting point where Julia discovers an incident that directly connects her with Sarah’s life. From this point on deRosnay is forced to work strictly with Julia’s voice as she discovers Sarah’sultimate destiny.

Thealternating narrative renders the book dramatic and highly effective and whenthe shift to single narrative occurs that tone is lost. The initial shock anddiscovery the reader feels, both from Sarah’s live account of the terror and Julia’srevealing of how it occurred, dissolves into a less emotionally engaging storyof Julia’s quest to discover what happened to Sarah after the war. Sarah’schapters are gripping and I was rushing through Julia’s to hear Sarah’saccount. Julia always remains an outsider to the incident though she is tied toSarah and the interlinking of the two stories is incredibly effective.

The author uses very effective tools while telling Sarah’sstory. Aside from the story though ten year old eyes, Sarah’s name is not knowuntil a point in the book where she feels safe. Until then she is referred toas ‘the girl’. The book works for it appeals to the mind and the heartsimultaneously. I felt the urging need to read up on the incident once Ifinished the book simply because it is so scarcely spoken off and even themodern day Parisians in the book seem reluctant to speak of it. The book is well written and strikes a very personalchord. The author’s voice and style is very distinctively felt through the bookwithout encroaching on the characters stories.

Sarah’s Key is a book that will remain in the readers mind for a very long time.It works because it speaks of an event hardly known and does not gloss over thereluctance of people to remember the horrific event. The events described in the book deal with hatred andthe human ability to turn a blind eye to a fellow mans suffering. It alsoserves as a horrible reminder as to the repercussions and the worst people cando at times of war. Everybody who hashuman interest and cares about life will read this book with concern andcontinue to return to it time and time again. Historical fiction that teaches always leavesa mark and this is one book that most certainly does that.

Loss

2010-04-04T19:33:00.004+05:30

I had my first encounter with death recently. I'm one of those lucky people who have never lost anyone who is particularly close to me. It made me think I never would. Time caught up with me and I did. Appacha passed away on 31st March 2010 at 10.45. Nine days after his 80th birthday and my 19th.

Hearing it at first was just shock. It couldnt be but it was. I had seen him, less than 30 hours ago, he could not be gone. But he was. Gone before anyone realised. We tend to take time for granted. Or rather we dont really think about the consequences of it. Everyday, in everyway, everyone is growing up, getting older. Time wont wait. It'll move slowly and then slap you in the face.

One of the things you feel most at someones death is remorse. For the things that could have been, all the things you could have done. We had just spent the weekend with him. I laughed at him and once with him, cribbed about him, pitied him and realised that no matter how much I missed the man who used to be active and everywhere I loved him very much. We said our goodbyes on Tuesday, got in the car and drove a straight ten hours to get home. Twelve hours later, Appacha had gone. Twenty fours hours later, we were on our way back.

It didnt sink in for me. There were no tears. I wondered if I was so cold that I couldnt feel anything, thought about what difference it would make to me and felt heartless. Society had conditioned me to believe that tears were symbols of sorrow. That they were the only symbols of sorrow.

We reached at five the next morning, April 1st. We walked in and the first thing i saw was Ammachi who collapsed in a flood of tears. I couldnt cry even then. I looked at Appacha. Eyes closed, lying in the ice box. He looked the same. He could easily have been alive and sleeping.

The problem with a funeral home is that there is nothing to do. Nothing to distract, to keep me busy. I sat staring at the box. There were points when I was sure I saw him moving and others when I imagined he would get up and complain about the cold. Tears still didnt come.

Out of nowhere a memory entered my head, one of me sitting on Appachas bed when he lived in Chennai, my little brother Aku sitting opposite and my Appacha Telling us stories and calling Aku the sky, his name is Akash, me the earth and himself Hell. I always argued with him. I remembered laughter.

Then the tears came. Not for what I had lost But for the fact that it was over. I never realised. We all grew up and grew busy but the little I spent with him recently I always had laughter. I wont deny I cribbed a lot towards the end but I understood and we laughed about that too. Till the end, one of our last solo conversations being about how his birthdate was messed up. I loved him, I always will.

I was mostly okay excepting the few occasional tears, until the time came to kiss him goodbye. That makes it final. It was hard, but we did it. Ammachi broke down. You tend to depend on your elders to be strong or rather you believe them to be beyond tears. They arent. They're like us and thats probably why we love them.

The two things I feared the most was seeing Ammachi and seeing my mum or dad cry. I didnt think I'd be able to handle it. Seeing Ammachi was okay, We were there for her. That gave us purpose. My parents are both so incredibly strong. As hard as it was for the two of them they never let us see tears. It helped me more than anyone could realise.

It is at death that you realise all the goodwill a persons life has generated. People poured in from near and very far, offering condolences. It was touching and in many ways overwhelming. I never knew he had touched so many people, so deeply that they had to be there. There was a lot I didnt know.

Once the tears stop you begin to count your blessings. And there were a lot of them. In mourning the dead we shouldnt forget about living. We all mourned and now we'll move on. Continue our lives. It might be missing a small part but it'll go on. And we still have each other.

I love you Appacha. I will always remember you fondly.

Hello :)

2010-03-31T07:22:00.002+05:30

My first post of the year, three months into the year. Its been a good three months. I like how 2010 has been treating me so far. General updates :

Winding Up the Charm was fantastic. We made loads of money, got brilliant reviews, had five housefull shows and gave us all an experience that will be hard to replicate. It was a brilliant three months and it made us all some wonderful friends and even better memories. It consumed, so voraciously, the first month of the year! So many wonderful people came together and made some real magic. By the end of it we all realised that it hadn’t taken so much of our lives that it was going to be hard to fill. I certainly did. What on earth would I do?!

The team that put 'Winding Up the Charm' together

Turned out it wasn’t that empty. The day after our last show Union Elections began. Everyone seemed pretty supportive about me standing for President. I got nominated and stood. Had an amazing time with the campaign J I must admit I hardly raised a finger! So many people did so many amazing things for my campaign. They’re the reason it was so much fun. They’re the reason I won. Love you guys! You know who you are : )

After my election and all the euphoria of victory died down, M and I (M’s my VP by the way, we get along great: )Muax M!) realised that though we loved each other to bits we had to have a good Union to work with What followed was two weeks of intense tension. I swear I worried about the other elections more than I did mine. If I lost that was the worst but now I was already in, I had to have a good team!

Whoever/whatever controls the working of the universe seemed to be feeling particularly kindly towards me cause I’ve landed myself a brilliant team. M is VP, S and Sm are the Cul Secs, R is GenSec and A is the Treasurer. We all manage to think on the same lines and so far we’ve come to conclusions fairly smoothly. We’ve had our first few programs and they went well.

I managed to spill paint on my saree, much to the chagrin of mother dearest. Ah well : D She tried removing it but it seems sarees come and go but paint stays on them forever :D That’s another thing, this year is going to see me wear a lot of sarees. All those who want to lend me sarees, please do :)

My birthday happened too :) Happened the same day I took my oath. Pretty interesting and I like to see it as a good thing . Union day was super fun and everyone loved the theme. Did an awesomely fun dinner with my friends and the had a very eventful sleepover. I would have said memorable but I don’t remember a lot of it :D My friends gave awesomest gifts! Love you! :-*

Did a whirlwind trip to Kerala this weekend. Grandad’s not too well, but he’s such a funny man :D He’s always told me that we share a birthday and I’ve gotten a cheap thrill outta it. This year for some reason we took out old documents of his and they all say his birthday is four days later :/ Asked him about it and he said records were all wrong then. I think I’ll believe him :D That side of the family is definitely where I get all my abnormalities from :D

Went swimming in a river this time. Slid down a waterfall. Went rowing. Ate like a pig. Stole a bunch of sarees from grandmom. J Was lovely. I think S is right though. I am gonna end up a workaholic. The three days I was away, I missed college and random work so much! He insists its not a good thing but I’m okay with it J

I’m so glad I finally wrote something! All these deserve better posts but this is all I have energy for after a 10 hour straight drive! (That was awesome) This is to inaugurate the fact the Google has funner templates with more malleability now. Go Google!

Fifty books!

2009-12-31T22:58:00.001+05:30

At the beginning of the year I decided to read fifty new books. Was a small number, just had to read an average of a book a week and I've always read tons more than that. Ne pas problem, or so I thought.

It started of really well, I was well ahead of schedule till around mid march. Then from march to august I read almost nothing. The only books were the Twilight series which btw were the first ebooks I read.

Then in September when college closed for the sem break I read 11 books in eight days! And I was back on track! WooHoo! The last three weeks I read like crazy and I've still not managed to finish in time :'( But there were a bunch of books I started and didnt finish, anyway here's the list of books I've read this year..

White Tiger - Arvind Adiga
Confessions of a Shopoholic - Sophia Kinsella
Tomorrows Promise - Bubbles Sabrewhal
Marley and Me - John Grogan
Prisoner of Birth - Jeffery Archer
The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch
Percy Jackson and the Battle of the labyrinth – Rick Riordain
Paths of Glory - Jeffery Archer
Last Christmas
Prizes - Erich Segal
Hidden Star - Nora Roberts
Jury - Steve Martini
Born in Fire - Nora Roberts
Born in Ice - Nora Roberts
Born in Shame - Nora Roberts
Are you afraid of the dark? - Sidney Sheldon
The Sky is Falling - Sidney Sheldon
A Matter of Honour - Sidney Sheldon
New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
Eclipse - Stephanie Meyer
Breaking Dawn - Stephanie Meyer
Rage of angels - Sidney Sheldon
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison
The Color Purple - Alice Walker
Gather Together in My Name - Maya angelou
The Fire and the Rain - Girish Karnad
Yaayati - Girish Karnad
2 states - Chetan Bagat
HRH - Danielle Steele
Morning Noon and Night - Sidney Sheldon
Twist in the Tale - Jeffery Archer
French Lover - Taslima Nasreen
The Thorn Birds - Colleen McCullough
Sister of my Heart - Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
The Rescue - Nicholas Sparks
Critical - Robin Cook
Nine on Nine - Nandita Puri
The Doomsday Conspiracy - Sidney Sheldon
Fortunes Hand - Bella Plav
Matilda - Roald Dahl

Books I started and never finished, sadly.

The Silent Raga
The Icarus Girl
Snow Falling on Cedars
Good Omens The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch - Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.
Prisoner of Zenda
The Arraingment - Steve Martini
The Fellowship of the Ring
Three Cups of Tea

It was brilliant fun and I'm definitely doing this next year too:) Oh and I'm gonna watch fifty new movies too!

Cheers! And Happy New Year!!

Happy New Years!

2009-12-31T21:58:00.000+05:30

Its New Years Eve and I suppose it’s a time for introspection and looking back. I’m feeling so content right now. Cant think of anything better. I’m surrounded by three very noisy people, my sister and two cousins. And its looking like a brilliant start to the year.

2009 was a great year. I met brilliant people and have some great memories. I miss everyone back home and I wish I was there to give each of them a big hug. But anyway, heres and attempt to wish them all :) Other than the first part which is dedicated to my family, I haven’t mentioned any names. You guys know who you are! :D

You’re right here with me. And driving around this retarded state the last seven days has been brilliant only cause of you. All the driving you did Appa. All the driving you let me do. This whole year. Its been great. You’ve always been there. An amazing dad. Listening to my stories. Helping my plans. Calling if I’m not home. I love you. All the food you provided us with Amma, how you worried and gave each of us “strict instructions”. This whole year. Granting permissions for things and denying it elsewhere. Listening to me. Asking how my day was. Worrying about me if I’m late. I love you. Ad, you’re a pain. All through the year and now too. Taking up all the space in the car ad troubling me in the room with your foolish cat! But we’ve grown closer this year and I’m glad. With all the crazy words you come up with and your big fat gang of friends! I love you Miss “Orey damn Chill” Ab, Ak, your jokes never fail to crack me up! You’re both mad monkeys and I’m discovering sides to you I never knew before. Its great! I love it :) Ammachi, Appacha, Roshaunty Ammachi/ Appacha, Ashi, Roshi, Varsha, all of you together are the greatest family I could ever ask for. Love you guys so much!

My fellow AnnanagarAnda, I have no clue what to say to you monkey. We have the craziest conversations in the craziest places. Its somehow easy to talk to you. And you’re one of those people I don’t even need to talk too. Just driving around with you or simply talking about random stuff makes me feel better. We spend tons of time together and we still don’t get bored. Its amazing! The best part of this year was getting our licenses and driving around :) We’ll do tons more this year! Oh, I think you’re the only one with whom I can have something resembling a “comfortable silence”. Love you.

Somehow you going to Bombay and all the distance hasn’t changed much. We don’t talk a lot or often but when we do its great. We’ve been friend for 16 years now! As crazy as that is. I guess when you’re five and six it doesn’t matter, everyone is your friend. But now it does matter. Matters a lot and we’re still friends :) Love you !

Same goes for you. We hardly talk. In spite of us being in the same city and the fact that our colleges are practically in the same area! College keeps us both busy I suppose and we always have stories to tell each other :) All our differences from 12 years seem to be have sorted out and I’m grateful! Love you !

Everything that could be possibly be said, I have told you. But I couldn’t write this and not include you. Its been a great year with tons of everything :) Ups and downs and sideways too :D You’re an amazing person and you need to learn to deal with compliments. As long as I’m around they’ll keep coming and I’m gonna be around a long while :) You’ve been around and put up with tons! You always seem to have the right thing to say. You’re my girl :) I love you.

The year started with us being real close and that disappeared somehow, somewhere along the line. I miss it sometimes :) But you’re still very much around in many ways. We’ve reached a comfortable stage though I doubt it’ll be like before :) No complaints though! We’ll have a brilliant year at college ahead! :) Muah!

Pondy child:) You’re crazy sometimes girl. So determined and convinced that it sometimes borders on stubborn :) It great though. I love that you so clearly know what you believe and how you are going to get where you want to go! Lets hope we do tons this year to make up for the times you’ve had to complain :) Love!

“Agra ka ladki” :P We hardly talk and spend great time bonding yet somehow I just know you’ll be there if I ever need to talk or just want someone to listen. You’re so sensible and responsible sometimes it awes me. Love you girl!

What would I do without you :) I’d probably starve to death in college :P But seriously, I think you are one of the nicest, most obliging people I know and yet you know to stand up for yourself. I love spending time with you although we don’t do it too much. Muah!

Kinda stormed into my life, didn’t you Knight? The last three months of getting to know you have been awesome literally. I have amazing respect for you work. I also think you are one of the most practical people I know. Practical so much so that it borders on cynicism. Stupid boy. So skeptical of some things and so willing to believe in other. So glad we met again! Muah! :)

S, this list would be kinda incomplete if I didn’t mention the one person I text every day :) You never fail to get me smiling and you always manage to have something to say to make me feel better. You cheer me up even when you have no clue I need cheering up. Oh and you do wonders for my ego! Love ya!

My dear rakhi brother, have I mentioned that I think you are the most understanding, loving, idiotic boy I know? You are truly one in a million and I’m so proud of you! You do the most ridiculous things and you never ever listen to me but I still love you tons! Muah!

You three made College Play a wonderful experience for me and it was definitely a highlight of the year. I loved being a penguin! It made me feel incredibly special and so ultra efficient :P C, this year is shaping up well and I’m so so glad we’re working together again. Lots of penguin love!

There is also a huge bunch of people that made this year great for so many reasons. People I’m looking forward to spending tons of time with this year too. So many people and so many things. You guys know who you are and I love you all very much! You make my life happen! College Play, summer vacation! It all should be great! Love you all tons!

New Years Eve!

2009-12-31T21:57:00.000+05:30

Yesterday we left Erumely to come here to Kolengeri. We’re here till we leave for home. The last two days I’ve spent primarily in a hotel room. Its not as depressing as it sounds :) Its pretty nice actually. This place is weird! For some reason all the food we get served is cold! And the water is always boiling hot! :-/

My granddad had a minor operation today. Went really well. When he came back to the room all his cousins and relatives were there. All laughing and talking like one big party. My Graddad said if he had known it was going to be so great he’d have done it a lot earlier :) I love seeing him like that. Happy, very much like the Appacha I remember and identify with.

So New Years Eve is going to be very quiet too. Just family. I’m kinda looking forward to it. It wont be usual but that doesn’t make it bad :) If nothing else this trip has gotten me a lot closer to my family. Ab and Ak especially :)

Cheerio!

And have a Happy New Years!

A day in the life...

2009-12-29T13:23:00.000+05:30

Today is a hartal! I’m actually very excited about it. Strikes/bandh’s in Chennai don’t make much of a difference to daily life. Everything still runs. But here everything shuts down. N Aunty was telling us a scenario where everyone stocks up on “kappa, meen, kozhi” (tapioca, fish and chicken) and it’s the Beverages Cooperation that does the best business on “hartal eve” :D The terms amuse me terribly and the lines outside these places proves its true.

Yesterday was mostly visiting. I really like some of my relatives. Cant stand some others. Man! AttitudeIssues! The thing about family is they’re there. Like in Thottakad or in Erumely, the house somehow just has so many memories. Its so…communal. Around the kitchen table, around the main table, the foyer, the bedrooms. I remember incidents everywhere and I haven’t even been there a lot. But its just there. Solidly. Nothing has changed. People have grown older and the surroundings have changed but the warmth and love you get around the people there is so strong and unwavering. Its not about what you’ve done or where you have gone, simply about who you are and that is family.

One the subject of family, we visited the family vault today. Its in Thottakad and surprisingly I’ve never been there before. Then again, visiting a cemetery is not something you do on your usual family holiday. Seeing that vault was another reminder of the strong links that family has. That family gives you. Its morbid in a way, almost scary but its also reassuring. There were people before you and there will be many after.

Oh! And I discovered three cousins with my last name :D Just when I thought Ad and I were the only KSisters :D E hates her last name and I was telling her how much I did too and then how I grow to love it :) I’m sure she doesn’t believe me. But God I feel old. Talking about feelings and change and all. Yeesh!

I spent my afternoon sleeping at a house that has a waterbed!! I love those things! They’re awesome. This huuuge bed, filled simply with half a ton of water! Its genius and sooo comfortable! My dad refuses to get me one :( So unfair! Anyone wants to buy me? We need a special cot to go with it too!

Last night I dreamt of college play. I dreamt it was the last day of all that frantic activity. The day just before show, when there are tons of last minute things lying around, waiting to be done. I woke up and it was just so so vivid! I want to get back home!

I thought today was just gonna be lazy with loots of food! Yay! :D It did have a lotta food but it wasn’t one bit lazy! I cut a whole tree! Not by myself but I helped :) It was a rubber tree and not too big, admitted, but still a tree! Ab was acting all big and stud-like! Carrying trees and all. And I helped rewire the house! Got a couple of shocks in the process. Was soo worth it! Feel like an electrical engineer type person now :P Or at least an electrician :D Ad is useless! Just lies around in front of the laptop.

We had a family prayer today. Something we used to do when my grandparents lived back home. It’s a lovely feeling. I’m not particularly religious but just the sitting together with people you know are there gives you this sense of security and continuum.

There are so many things I want to and think of saying! But theres too much happening to rememeber!

Chennaai!

PS: My Malayalam actually got complimented :):)

Two States!

2009-12-27T13:20:00.000+05:30

So its wedding day! All dressed up for the occasion. We’re driving around Ernakulam and we hear that the President is in town. And my God! The whole city was blocked up. We actually stood at a signal for one hour! ONE! And us Chennaites spent the one hour discussing why Chennai was so awesome and how Kerala was just wannabe Chennai :D I suppose in all fairness someone who came from another state/city might think the same of Chennai.

And so the wedding started an hour late. Weddings seem to be a huge deal around here. Like it isn’t a successful wedding if something doesn’t go wrong. And how they enjoy the drama! The one hour delay was practically expected and was simply taken in its stride.

Wedding done we went over for lunch. And then back to the hotel. We found the one redeeming thing about Kerala. It has the Warner Brothers channel :D We are such vain, snooty people :PWent over to C’s house! Ad finally found a place in Kerala where she said she’d be willing to spend a holiday :)

Oh! I’ve now driven in two states! :D Super thrills for me! The roads here are highly convoluted and narrow is not the word! We’re driving around in the big “white elephant” so it makes it a wee bit harder but its alright : )

Cheerio then!

PS: I know the title is plagiarized but in my defense I would have used it even without knowing about the book! :D

Travelling the land

2009-12-27T01:16:00.002+05:30

So its another day here. This place has been playing with my sleep patterns like crazy. I go to sleep at unheard of hours! Like last night, not even 10 pm and I was halfway to dreamland. And I’m up by five latest! This is supposed to be a vacation?!?

But we packed off. At around 10 30 , for the first round of visiting. The roads here are T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E. The whole freaking state is hills! Soo different from home. I'm having serious ChennaiWithdrawal. Nine days and I'm home :) I've only been gone two days and yet it feels like forever. Cant wait to get back! And apparently its a lot colder in Chennai without me! :D Like I told S, the city does wonders for my ego!

My feminist side thinks this place has an insane gender bias. And lots of other things wrong with it! But there are some things I love. Like the water here! My hair is literally bouncing with joy from the fresh,clear river water its been soaking in :) Its brilliant! And here's a list of all the other things that are great here!

1.Family time

2. There is a girl older than me so no marriage talk for me

3. Its beautiful.

4. I love my grandparents place.

5. I got to climb trees and swim in a river

6. It feels nice that people miss me

7. I get time with my cousins.

8. The food is AWESOME!

9. Everyone believes I'm a model child :)

10. I'm writing again!

Anyway, wedding tomorrow and lots of visiting! Later!

Cheerio!

Lots of Kerala love!

PS: Pictures when I'm back, nets waay slow here :)

Travel Time!

2009-12-25T00:32:00.000+05:30

Merry Christmas ye all!

I’m spending Christmas is the midst of Gods own country. Its rather refreshing being here and its made me want to write after ages. Its funny how that works. When I’m sitting at home with all the connectivity I dodnt want to write but here with no net access (!) I do! We left at some 4:40 yesterday morning and 13 hours and three stops later we were here.

My grandparents place J Its on a rubber estate near a place called Erumely. My last trip there didn’t end pleasantly and a lot of people blamed the “estates of Erumely”. It wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t wait to get here. I’ve been dreaming of tasting my grandmoms food the last three days. And I wasn’t disappointed. The hugs, kisses and greetings done with I settled down and got stuffed J Outlined the things I wanted to eat as well. I’d be happy : )

We decided to take a walk through it. Its lovely. Hard to walk around, but lovely nevertheless. I’m learning new things about myself here. One of the things is that I’m not as fit as I think. Walked all around and I was exhausted. I might not get up in the morning and run but I most certainly get a lot of exercise.

Ab and I climbed a rubber tree (!), and went up to the roof to clean a tank!! Was insane, I was laughing hysterically after the climb . Sheer adrenaline. I just carried buckets of water and threw them out but Ab did some serious work! Got the tank spotless clean. Kinda a thrill. Ab made me take some super pictures of him. Self obsessed child that he is. I threw water off the roof straight onto Ak’s head :D Was hilarious. The boy’s shrill yells! J

The funny looks we get here! I don’t think any of these people have seen women in pants. Let alone womens legs! Climbing on the roof with my tracks rolled to me thigh definitely got me stares! Ah well! They’ll most likely never see me again!

We took a walk down to the big river. Was real nice. But we’re going to the waterfall on the 29^th so updates on that then : ) The place is beautiful. Serene. The back door opens to greenery of a kind Chennai will never give me. You throw seeds out of the window and a couple of days later a tree will begin. It’s the kind of magic my city never offers. I woke up at five and it was pitch dark but I could already hear the hustle of activity that begins the day here. The people here do things that back home would be considered so lazy but over here, its work. Long walks through estates.

I’m a city girl no doubt though I might be wannabe village belle these few days ( : D ) but that’s just as much as I can do. I need connection to the world and I need range on my phone for my holistic development: D

It was an unconventional Christmas to say the least, but one I enjoyed thoroughly.

Tomorrow: Travelling the land……..

Dearest...

2009-12-05T17:35:00.003+05:30

Dear Appa and Amma,

I’ll never have the courage to say these things out loud but they need to be said because I love you both so much.

4^th December 2009 will always be something I regret. Not the decision but the quirk of fate that caused the accident. When it happened, the first instinct of my 18 year old mind was to run away. No one would know and I would figure it out. Then I remembered something Amma has always told me, “No matter what happens we’ll be on your side as long as you tell us the truth.” So I called you, Appa. There were no questions and just a reassurance. You told me what to do and helped me stay calm. There was no yelling. Even later. Everything was figured out. You trusted me. I’ll be so grateful for that.

Hearing how much it was going to cost you made it worse. You never yelled or admonished me just went about doing what had to be done. I felt so guilty but I didn’t know what to do. I was the spoilt teenager from all those movies and books.

You do trust me and I value that so much. I have friends who get home ten minutes late from college and their parents ask a thousand questions. Intrusive and prying. Not caring. I’ve been working on college play and coming home at seven, seven thirty. And you’ve picked me up and helped me through it all. I come late and I get a call from one of you with so much concern. As much as I tease you it means so much to me that you care. I dunno what I would do without you both.

I’ve been given every freedom an 18 year old could need. There is nothing more I could need. I probably push the limits of that freedom but really I’m very content. Your pride in my achievements and dreams are amazing and I know you’ll do everything to help me get what I want.

You’ve been the best parents I could have. Whether I’m a good daughter only time will tell but you’ve taught me everything I need to know to be the best I can be. I love you so much.

Your Dhiya

Boys! Where!

2009-10-23T09:07:00.000+05:30

I've been whining about the lack of male company in my life for a while now. As in flirtatious male company. Really! I need some sort of entertainment to keep me sane. All those nice boys I know are just too adorable for me to dig my teeth into :D

But honestly, my predatory instincts aside, all the guys I know fit into four very specific categories:D

First, is all those boys who are just so nice and fun and sweet that I love them to bits and consider some of my best friends. You know who you are. They are the ones I can call at three in the morning and the most they'll do is yawn and then apologise. The ones that swear like savages and yet lecture me sternly when I use the smallest expletive. They love me in spite of all the scandalous things they know I've done or have done with me :D The ones who will forgive me for ignoring them for weeks at a stretch. These boys, my buddies and brudders! :-*

The next bunch is all those boys who are smart, funny and appealing. And also dating someone else! Really! Boys these days! They'll flirt with you and make you laugh and then subtely throw in the girlfriend with that adorable smile that just about prevents you from clobbering them. Aargh. And the girlfriend will be that annoying girl who you cant stand and your just left wondering how she had him and you were single!

The third group is the ones with the 'connection'. The guys your friend liked or had a crush on or dated or fought with or hates. Or his ex was your friends cousin or your cousins friend. This doesnt work, either you know too much about the guy and risk ruining the relationship because you already know everything there is to know. Or he knows too much about your friend+she has told him about you so the friendship goes kaput! Really more sensible to stay out of it.

The last group is everyone else. All the mental other people I know. They are adorable in their own way but the connection just isnt there. You can have random, "Hey", "How you doing?" conversation with them. Thats about it. Sigh.

Everytime us girls get together, we end up wondering if something is wrong with us. That a bunch of good looking, intelligent, single 18 year olds dont have guys to flirt with is just wrong! I protest! Maybe its the all girls college finally getting to me but WHERE ARE THE MEN!!?

Things were so much simpler a couple of years ago in school when boys hadnt discovered their egos and thought nothing of getting your number from whomever so THEY could make the first move. Now its the other way around! Like A said, "We check them out, we flirt with them, we ask them to eat"

Really boys! Step it up!

The madness begins again!

2009-10-22T20:10:00.003+05:30

Its back! That time of the year when I go nuts and start running around for College Play. This year I'm in from day 1! Seems like it'll be real fun. I'm so excited!! So anyway, updates since I havent written in aaaages!

First of all, for all those people who thought my last post was about an ex/current or some sort of relationship, I'll clear it out. First of all I rarely write anything that can resemble poetry for this very reason! People start reading too much into it :) Its not an ex or a current, its mostly about relationships, primarily about me. And my relationship with myself which is a reflection of the relationships I have with other people :) Now thats cleared up!

Its been a crazy few weeks. With all my seminars, assignments and third comps ending, college play work happening and all those other things that have been driving me crazy! I've just realised that my 3rd semester is done. I'm done with half my time at college! A year and a half from here I need to make a call as to what I'm going to be doing or atleast have a vague idea! Aah!

Diwali was a fabulous weekend! Started off Friday with a get together at A's place! Its just been so so long since one of those! But we had an amazing time as usual! Its amazing what time can do to friendships. Somehow they dont erode. Really. I hardly talk to A or even T unless we meet up but it never seems to be a problem. We always talk like there has been no time between us.

Saturday morning I woke up and started making Diwali cards for the kids at Mottukal. I love making cards. Its so much fun, all the glue, the paper and the color. I absolutely adore it. Sat and made 30 cards while the lazy sister whose job it was just slept. We went to Mottukal after that. Was such a brilliant time. Ran around like a mad thing. I suppose it was also the fact that it was school. Managed to hurt myself too. Cut my feet in a million different places. But was worth it :) That evening we went out dancing. N, T, A and myself. They managed to get me into an ultra hot top that I adored wearing :) Met the rest of the bunch there. Danced away till about 11. M so kindly brought us home safe before the witching hour. Nice boy he is, and very hot too!

Sunday morning I woke up at N's place. Ridiculously early considering I slept at four-ish. Went to that orphanage we go to every easter. We set up a basketball hoop for them. Lets hope its still around when we go next!

Finally got done with all my seminars this week. I aced my African American assignment. S gave me such flattering comments I was thrilled! That is a paper I'm going to miss. I adored it. And she's so inspiring and passionate about it too! On that note I found out my papers next sem, Literary Criticism I and World Classics + Psychology and I've taken Journalistic Writing as a GE. The papers seem fun but the teachers could just bore me to death. On the positive note, toooons happening next sem! I'm so excited really!!

Now for progress on the play! We've set the dates. Booked the place. Started raising the funds! We've had to sign this deadly clause saying that if we dont raise a stipulated sum by the 31st of December they will cancel the play. Think we should be able to so.. Anyway for all you peeps- 5th, 6th and 7th of February! Alliance Francaise! BE THERE!!

Thats about all! See ya! Soonly! I promise :)

Change

2009-10-03T19:23:00.005+05:30

Something has changed.

Faintly.

The look when our eyes meet

Recognition

Familiarity.

And trust

Where it used to be

Curiousity

Fondness

And novelty.

I like this.

Its comforting

And soothing.

The way the smile curves

Easier now.

More genuine.

The words no longer needed.

I know the emotions

They’re honest

Your face is easier to read

I sense what lies beneath

It is trust

Your fingers find mine

Seeking reassurance

And solace.

The way your hair

Shapes your face

One brush will move it away.

Your eyes, Watching me

Comprehending.

You know me.

What lies beneath.

You’ve been

Where noone else has gained admittance

You still trust

And love

These months,

Have changed

You

Then again, you’ve also grown

Maybe not to the ideal

But admirable nevertheless

Ideal is simply perception.

I like you now.

Know you deeply.

You’ve changed.

Because of me or circumstance,

But change is good.

And constant.

Space and togetherness

2009-09-21T14:12:00.003+05:30

It stands as a testament to love and the bonds of friendship that after merely six months I can bring skeletons out of the closet and it will be met with shock and a single expletive.

Memories trigger off other memories. The human mind is a powerful tool as I’ve discovered. It can block out, reshape and alter memories to suit needs. Something I’m not proud of doesn’t even come to my mind through regular conversation and suddenly, the recollection of one incident for no real reason brings it flooding back.

The thing with any relationships is that you’re no longer one person who has to deal with your past. You are part of someone else. My emotions, likes and dislikes are shared. With you. All my actions have implications. When those implications affect no one but me they are fine. My problem, something I have to deal with. I brought it upon myself. But now? They involve you. What I do, what I’ve done, affects you. It’s my responsibility.

I don’t know where this was hidden. Where it suddenly came out from. But it did and I know it hurt you, immensely. I don’t have a reason or explanation. For many reasons. There was no reason or explanation to it. It is a blur. There should have been tears but there were none. There should have been friends but there weren’t. I felt alone and
sought solace in the only place it appeared.

Where was my self-respect you asked? I didn’t have any. I had spent most of my life surrounded by a security blanket of my friends, school and parents. School was over, gone. College wasn’t significant enough yet. My oldest friends had deserted me. My newest friends wouldn’t understand. My refugee for the last two years, I had thrown away. My
parents, I wouldn’t talk to. Where did I go? To someone who seemed a friend. Someone who wouldn’t ask questions or expect anything.

I had gone deeper and deeper into a shell of myself. I honestly didn’t think or care what I got into. It was cowardly, weak and unnecessary, so why? I wish I knew. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I have done the same thing if it happened again? I don’t know. I don’t think I need to. It’s today that counts. Right?

Did it even mean anything to me you asked? In regard to this? No. It was like an escape. Mind numbing and thoughtless. I know I have messed with your trust. I’m surprised you can look at me without revulsion. I couldn’t look at myself for what I have done. Your right it is sick. Your right it is not something I would do. But I did.

I know this will change some things. My question is whether it’s changed the way you see you me? Do you still think I’m worthy of respect? And of your love? I know you do. It’s the most selfless amazing thing I’ve heard of. You are extraordinary and I’m honored you are part of my life.

2009-08-17T23:02:00.001+05:30

I love my new phone, my laptop works fine and my dishwasher is perfect; but Lord, I miss my mind.

Anon

I am Indian!

2009-08-15T03:16:00.004+05:30

Today is Independence Day here! Jai Hind and all that! Don't get me wrong I feel patriotism for my country but it really depends on how you define it. There are so many stereotypes to it. So much cultural confusion. But I am Indian.

If it involves me standing with my hand over my heart while the flag is hoisted early in the morning, I didn't do it. If it means wearing a flag all day I didn't do it. If it means having an opinion on whether or not India is shining, I do not. If it means waking up to political discussions, I don’t. Yet I am Indian.

I may not always wear a saree or practise yoga. I've never tried Ayurveda. Kamasutra is something my friends and I joke about. I barely speak my mother tongue and I don't even know all the languages the country has. I am Indian.

I don't plan to be a doctor or an engineer. Marriage is not something I'm even remotely considering. My latest knowledge of the constitution involves section 377. I am not religiously fanatic. I don't idolise Bollywood. I don't watch saas-bahu serials. I am Indian.

I don't know the meaning of my national anthem. I don't belong to a political side. I don't even have an opinion on political sides. I discuss kisses, boys and sex with my friends. I've seen the Taj Mahal just once. I am Indian.

I see cows on the street and think nothing of it. I don't have long black hair, big breasts and a tiny waist. I speak English well and I majoring in it. I cant cook anything, I can barely boil water. I watch cricket, football and tennis with equal passion. I know more English songs than Hindi or Tamil ones. I am Indian

I can eat food standing on the road and enjoy it immensely. I party, I drink, I don’t go to bed by seven. I speak my mind. I don’t let anyone tell me what to do. I’ve never read Amar Chitra Katha and I grew up on Enid Blyton. My ambition is not to be married and have two fair kids. I am Indian.

The strains of the national anthem make me stand up in respect. I agree with “matha, pitha, guru, deivam.” I wish India forward with all my heart. I believe that as Indians we should give back to our country what our country has given us. I believe we have an identity and a culture, roots that we should respect. I believe in my country, its heritage and its people. I love my country.

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

I Love my country. I am proud of its rich and varied culture. I shall always strive to be worthy of it.

I shall love and respect my parents, teachers and elders.

To my country and my people I pledge my devotion

Mental therapy required!

2009-08-14T09:29:00.000+05:30

I need mental help!

This morning I got up. Late. And my mum said just stay at home, but no, good girl that I am I got all ready and started off to college. I reached college, about half an hour later, looked at the building, decided I was bored and got back home.

My mother thinks I'm crazy as does everyone else but I got such a kick outta it. If we arent allowed to do these crazy things once in a while whats the point right :D And plus I helped an old woman cross the road on my way back. Purpose of events see!

Anyway, I'm back home now. All comfy in PJ's. I have to take my sister out today and I think I'm gonna go get myself one of those fun pedicures. It tickles terribly but makes my feet feel all good. And then the rest of the MPTF plays this weekend! Yay! I love watching theatre like this. Fills my evenings and makes my so happy!

Tomorrow is independence day, I feel all terribly patriotic when I see all the tricolor everywhere. Like today when I saw everyone getting all prepared for it and selling little flags and other such patriotic fancies. The two times a year it comes out. I have tons to say on this so it'll be tomorrow :)

I have this mental computer guy who comes home and drinks up all juice :-x Stupid man of India. Keeps coming home and finishing all my juice. Evil. I swear he messes with my comp so he can keep coming home. Stoopid.

I'm off to buy more juice!

OkBye!

Holdays mid week!

2009-08-13T17:34:00.000+05:30

Happiness is holidays in the middle of the week. When its just there and you don't have to submit assignments or study for tests or do anything remotely taxing to your mind. I just finished my exams, two went alright, two were great.

Today is one of those days. I sat and mailed all those people I mail who I have been blatantly ignoring for a while. Felt horrid and I've been meaning to do it forever but I finally did it! I also sat and went through all my photos, the digital ones and deleted everything else. Decided I needed to have hard copies of my memories!

Everyone here is sick. All coughing and sneezing. Its scary. Everywhere we go there is all this swine flu awareness stuff! There are people walking around everywhere with those green masks. Looks like one of those end of the world movies.! And I know horrible people who send me text messages saying "The world is ending, go have a shower". Bad Boy M!

I swallowed a plum seed yesterday and I couldn't stop coughing and everyone got worried cause they thought I was sick! :P Yes I do such foolish things. Now I'm worried a plum tree will start growing in my stomach :O And then what happens? One of my biggest fears as a kid was that trees would grow in my stomach! I used to love playing in the sand and never used to wash my hands. Mum used to say that if i swallowed a seed and then sand got into my stomach and then water a tree would grow! Ah! Evil ways parents teach us things!

I've been going for the Metroplus Theatre Fest. Its so nice. I've seen some brilliant theatre so far. 'Hamlet and the Clown Prince' made me laugh so much an not it that slapstick 'oh good god' way! Sometimes when there are random people who burst out with laughter at completely wrong moments or who snort during a funeral scene I feel like whacking them. Its so ridiculous! Ah! Respect for theatre? Performance any? Anyway I wrote a citizen review thing for one of the plays and it got published, http://www.hindu.com/mp/2009/08/11/stories/2009081150170500.htm . Got cheap kicks from seeing my name in print.

So if I started a newspaper column, what do you think people would wanna read? I need OPINIONS and IDEAS. Tell me! Tell! TELL!

OkBye!

2009-08-10T16:45:00.001+05:30

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

-Anne Frank

Montage Of A Dream Deferred

2009-08-07T15:56:00.000+05:30

I have this poem as part of my African American paper this semester and sitting and reading it for my assesment tomorrow I realised that it actually spoke to me. The way poetry has always been famed to de. I've never managed to actually catch that. This came very close. I love Hughes poetry. He uses striking, blinding, almost painful images, that force you to notice them and react.

Dream Deferred

-Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over like syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

Like a heavy road

Or does it explode?

School, Stress and Satisfaction

2009-07-28T22:30:00.001+05:30

I went to school today. For one of those inter-house events that we’re so passionate about. And I’ve decided I’m not going for them again. You know how when you have amazing memories and each time you think of them they get better and better? Well in going back today I thought it would be my chance at reliving those memories and I realized it fell terribly short. After years of being such a part of the house, being hands on I can’t stand the role of the spectator that I have now been cast in. And with all the changes that school has undergone I prefer my memories.

That having been said, I adore school. It’s one of the only places I can sit and do absolutely nothing and find that immensely satisfying. I sat in school, on the sports field, thinking of all the things we’ve done there. All the experiences I’ve had. All those moments that seemed life altering and in retrospect seems funny. They’ve all made a undeniable impact on my life and they have made me who I am today.

We had our poetry assignment today. I’ve been stressing about it the last one week and its finally done. I’m not sure how well I’ve done but I’m happy with it. It’s one of those papers and teachers whom I respect and whose respect I want to earn. I plan on getting it too. It’s a rather refreshing change to approach poetry this way, because we love and enjoy it and not simply because it’s part of the syllabus.

McDonalds opened very close to home. I don’t get the hype about the place. In any case the entire neighborhood seems enamored by the place and it’s eternally crowded. It’s been open a month and its still packed at all times! I finally managed to go this Saturday. Took “cute lil V” along. She was distinctly displeased because her happy meal toy wasn’t satisfactory. How easy it to please her. What I found most amusing was the huge groups of college guys I saw there. It wasn’t their frequenting of the eatery I found amusing. Rather it was how they were all standing around a McDonald figure and posing for pictures! I suppose it’ll find its way into Facebook and Orkut albums under tags that say “Funday with Friends” or some such thing!

Tomorrow is ethnic day in college. I’m rather excited about the whole saree wearing thing!

2009-07-22T00:42:00.000+05:30

Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.

Dolly Parton

Hold on. I'll be around

2009-07-22T00:32:00.000+05:30

You know how bad things happen? They all pile up together and hit you like a wave and before you even realize it, you’re down and soaking wet. That’s when you usually turn and run towards someone who listens to all your cribbing and whining. And oh god its such a relief. Everything is just out there and you don’t have to deal with it. Your issues have been shared and they don’t seem so bad now. The world is a happy place again.

But what happens when the person you run to has been hit by a bigger wave? When you don’t have the heart to tell them how miserable you are feeling? Then it just lies there. Heals itself. Almost everything gets better eventually the cribbing just helps a little. You cant possibly dump your insignificant problems on someone who is miserable. You help them. Take on their pain or try to. Its so hard to have to stand back and watch someone you love and care about unhappy. Knowing they are but unable to make the slightest difference. It makes you feel inadequate and useless. And that’s a terrible feeling.

There is so much to say and no way to say it. Feelings, thoughts and emotions, inexpressible in words. There are tears, love, pain, concern and worry behind my façade. I will be strong, to make sure you’re okay. What I’m feeling is miniscule beside your trauma. I hope you’ll feel better soon. I hope it’ll be okay.

To you,

I doubt you’ll get to read this but I don’t think anything is worth being so miserable over. You deserve so much more than this. In the least you deserve happy days and good memories, smiles. If your not getting it its not worth it. In the end what matters is your happiness baby. Make the choice, for yourself. Like I said doing the right thing for the wrong reason is just as bad as doing the wrong thing. You’re the important person here. I'm here. I'll always be around. Talk. Text. Rant. Rage. Let it all out. Just feel better. Theres so much I want to tell you, but mostly I just want to hold you, give you a big hug and tell you that you’re an amazing person. Love you.

To everyone else, this is intensely personal and yet I felt a compelling need to write and post this. I hope its something you understand even if you cannot identify with it.

Happiness is...

2009-07-06T17:30:00.000+05:30

Its five o clock on a rather nice, so far, July morning. Its these mornings that cause you to think. Wonder about the complexities around you or marvel at the simplicity. I’ve come to realize that most of us have managed to find so many important things to do that we have to ‘find time’ to do the things we enjoy or want to.

Where does happiness come from? Perfection? Or from recognizing the perfect parts of an imperfect existence. Those little bits of pure chocolate you find in otherwise gooey fudge. The fudge is great but its those bits that you remember and that make it special.

So who are those chocolate bits? People? Instances? Or those moments that have such a profound impact on your life? Friendships? Goals?

I suppose if I had to attribute happiness to one outside factor it would have to be people. I’m still not sure how good/ bad a thing that is because I don’t like the idea of another person being responsible for what your feeling. Hey! If your feelings aren’t your own, what is? (Its ironic that I’m writing about privacy of feelings on a blog that anyone on earth can access, but that’s just one of those things.)

I don’t know where happiness comes from. Many july mornings later I might still be unaware, but as long as it’s around and as long as I know that I mostly have the power to determine my own happiness, the world seems fair enough.

The movie “EverAfter” ends with a brilliant line that says, “While Cinderella and her prince might have lived happily ever, the point gentlemen, is that they lived”

Friends fight. They cause tears. They encourage laughter and they relieve pain. And they change you irrevocably. Every one of them. The ones that stay for year, the ones that are fleeting and the ones who make enormous impacts in a short span.

Hello. Welcome. Thank You.

2009-07-06T00:34:00.000+05:30

I’m back! After another long hiatus. Why these breaks keep happening is beyond me! My laptop ran away. Stupid thing. And trust me to have random inspiration to write this week. The result is my desk is covered with bits of colored paper that has lots of, mostly incoherent, nonsense on it! But now I’m back. YAY!

BIG NEWS!! I got my license! Finally. After all the adventure or non adventure its done! I can legally drive all over India! Feels great. Love the freedom that comes with sitting behind a wheel!

I’m loving my courses this semester! Poetry II is brilliant beyond words. Our professors are brilliant and of course that adds to it! S1 is just profound! She says the most sarcastic things with the straightest face! Its hilarious and I love it. She and P both have super human literary knowledge. As does SB who takes African Lit! I just got done reading Roots! What a brilliant book! Whoa! I adored it. Apparently AR Rahmans first band was a fusion and called roots, after the book! Trivia for the day =]

While talking about subjects and professors I have to mention SM. Now she takes American Lit and Oh. My.Lord. She’s a character if nothing else! Her favorite Phrase is ‘I mean’ and variations of it, the most perplexing being ‘meaning I mean’. Whatever that means. She said it 125 times in class on Friday. 125 times in 40 minutes!!! I counted! With tally marks and all! And we are sure we missed some! She also wraps herself with her saree. It’s rather comical. My Korean classmate who doesn’t know her name calls her wrap-around :D Smart child she is!

I met her at a musical this weekend! Mamma Mia! Was a fun evening! They had this funky glow in the dark dance where all the dancers were in scuba suits and flippers! So tons of fun! Of course the critical part of me was looking for flaws which were very evident but we’ll let those pass on comparison to the high entertainment value!

Got talking to my newly accquired juniors this week. Fun bunch of children they seem to be. Time will tell. Oh and one of them is a monkey who states obvious things and has turned Andy Roddick into a pedophile! *sigh. This generation is only causing trouble! (Psst! I told you you’d get a mention :D)

On the subject of Andy Roddick, I just spent the last four hours and eighteen minutes glued to my tv screen! What a Wimby Final this was! Whew! Roddick was brilliant and little cry baby Federer who won his fifteenth Grand Slam(!!) didn’t cry! That was the biggest surprise for me! He’s number 1 again. My poor Rafa! Get better soon :-*

One of my closest friends is off to college soon. I’m feeling terribly troubled by it even though ‘college’ is in this very same state. Its not the same. I’ll miss you P. I already do.

I need to sleep. Still adjusting to the earlier college time. Who would think 10 mins would make a difference!

2009-07-05T23:23:00.001+05:30

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

— Bob Marley

A new beginning! Again!

2009-06-19T00:33:00.000+05:30

Hello again! I'm back to colleging. Two days in and its already given me a bunch to talk about. The last few days of my holidays were relatively uneventful I just sat and read a bunch of books. Oh and before I forget! At the beginning or the year I decided to make a list of all the new books I would read this year. I gave myself a target of 50 and I was pretty sure I'd get done with it in six months. So anyway six months is up and I've read 26 new books! Lets see where it goes! Fingers crossed! :)

Back to college, first day was one hour of the usual assembly/welcome type thing where our principal came and said something that sounded no different from all the other welcome speecges we've heard, peppered with intelligent quotes from the college song! :D

Oh and then with our college being number nine in India according to random magazine that had to be mentioned of course! “Are we happy with number nine girls? Nooo! We have to be number one! We deserve it!” Thoo. Some self indulgent nonsense. Bla. We suffered but endured =]

One of our teachers came to class and gave us an introduction to the year, it sounded like a fair introduction for a SexEd what with talk of how we were at the ‘peak’ of our experience and we were in a position to reach ‘the climax with pleasure’. And how happiness and contentment is reflected in the ability of the ‘sun shining on the leaves will turn you on’! Those were the words of wisdom we received!

Checked out the new coffee shop in the city, Mocha Mojo. Nice place. They put up with us, broke as we were. Randomly lounged about there catching up on the summers gossip :) The summer mood is hard to shake off! Its just refusing to let me go. Waking up in the morning is the biggest pain.

I love my subjects this semester! African American Literature is so fun and has tons of civil war hitory in it. Very Gone with the Wind. We also have Poetry and American Literature. Its all super fun so far! Tamil from this semester. First class tomorrow :) Sigh. Should get through it.

I realised that FaceBook is such a treasure trove of information. Spcially when it comes to events! It is fast becoming my little black book. This saturday there is a bunch of stuff happening! Yay! I love being back in college!

OkBye!

PS: The title is contents of EVERY welcome back speech I've heard! Aargh!

2009-06-11T10:07:00.001+05:30

What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.

-Melman, Madagascar

Where does black end and gray begin?

2009-06-11T09:53:00.000+05:30

I miss school! I really, completely, painfully miss school! Specially the 11^th and the 12^th. My sister just got into the 11^th and already I see resemblances. The uniform! I miss it. I miss waking up every morning and not having to wonder what to wear but simply throwing on the uniform I’ve been assigned. As liberating as the choice of being allowed to pick what I want to wear is I miss all that the uniform symbolized. The equality, except when it came to our houses. The friendship. The mental cycle stand lunches, food being grabbed from everywhere. The events. The fights. It’s been over a year since I left school and while I haven’t kept the best of touch with majority of my batch the memories they gave me are brilliant. I smile every time I think of them. I’m so grateful to THE GANG for so many things. They are my most vivid memory of higher secondary. And they always will be. You guys are awesome! Don’t hate me for not keeping in touch.

Another similarity is that sis seems to have found her version of THE GANG. I hope she has almost a good time as I did and that she makes fewer mistakes. They have their version of a song too. Generally about how they are “ore the cool”. It’s rather catchy so much so that it’s stuck in my head too. Not a good thing at three o clock in the morning but that’s that.

I miss school. Although I don’t think I want to go back. It’s changed so much. It will always be my school but it’s my sister’s time. The years I spent there are over and no other set will ever have it as good. I loved school yet I doubt I would have realized how much it meant to me if I hadn’t left. I always knew it was important but leaving school showed that it made me. Made me the person I am. Made me a person I love.

In the nostalgia zone that I am in, T left today. She’s gone back to Bombay. Four months before I see her again. N and I went to with her to the airport. Its brilliant how one year has made us all so independent and capable. We don’t even seem to realize it but we’ve grown. In more ways than one. Not change with all the negative vibes but grown. Into full, well rounded individuals. Responsible and so competent. So proud of it. And we’ve learnt to love flaws and appreciate distance and differences. The four of us have come a long way. Grown apart, grown together, and grown closer. To each other and to ourselves.

N’s leaving to Bombay on Friday and A is already there. As is J. Seems like a whole bunch of my friends are there. Hmmm. Conspiracy it seems like, don’t you think! Evil children plan to party there and come back and make me miserable with their fun stories! Ah! Have fun lovelies!

The thing about relationships is they are fragile. And based almost 100% on trust. Love, lust, friendship, time, quality, age. None of it even matters in the end. Even someone you just meet unless you instinctively trust them you will not like them. It’s probably never said, but I trust you is the basis of any relationship. I love you, I want you, I’ll be there for you, I care for you, it all follows. I trust the people I love or rather I love the people I trust. It moves relationships forward. To higher levels with deeper depths. A very smart person showed me that today. Simply through conversation. Love you ! Muah! I’ll always be around for you!

On the trust issue though, I’ll never understand how anyone could miss someone who hurt them so much. Wouldn’t you be better off without them? Doesn’t trust go away when it’s been broken? Not to say it can’t be earned back, I know from experience that it can, but when it hasn’t been earned? Do you miss what once was? Is it in the hope that it will be again that there is longing? Isn’t the logical thing to be glad but I suppose when it comes to emotion there is no logic. And I accept it. It’s just hard to see a person who is important torn over someone who doesn’t realize it in the least.

I just realized I spoke of about 10 different people and experiences in this one post! I would be very confused if I wasn’t me! I don’t know why anyone would read it! If you are reading this I hope you’re not too mentally disturbed! If you are I suppose Yellow Pages or Just Dial would offer help =]

Writing is therapeutic! Makes me feel all good. Maybe its cause now all the turmoil is out here in cyberspace!

Muahahaha!

Maybe I need a psychiatrist?

We've arrived!

2009-06-09T10:36:00.000+05:30

I saw Angels & Demons yesterday. They've changed a lot from the book. I dont like when they do that. It never captures what the book is about. Troubles me. The book is so dark and intricate. Atleast when they messed up The Da Vinci Code I didnt mind so much. Didnt love the book anyway. Ah well.

The air conditioning in the theatre, coupled with the fact that I had washed my hair gave me this terrible cold. I hate them. Aargh! I almost eternally have cold but this is troublesome. Its the yucky kind. I wont go into details but yeah.

After the movie we drove around! Having wheels is so brilliant. We drove along the beach and then back home. We've arrived as N put it, in our driving ourselves around phase. =]

Today was another movie. Kulir 100. Oh God. That movie was torture. Barely got through it. In fact we didnt. Walked out about twenty mins before the end of the movie. Ah. The english lines in the movie were the best! "Come lets go to my shack and party". And a horrendous girl who disappeared halfway through the movie. One of its few consolations. It didnt have a story line to speak off. Ah well.

The cold still there and no progress on The French Woman.

Later

Thinking.

2009-06-09T10:21:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, was one of those days! Where at the end of it you cant tell whether it was a good day or a bad one. An uncle of mine passed away. We weren't particularly close but death puts things in perspective. Specially when its unexpected. You realise that life isn't something you can take for granted. Everything you do and say has its implications and in retrospect can be very ironic. I suppose valuing people, happiness, laughter and tough times will do it. If at the end of the day you can look back and feel you've done a good job with your 24 hours. That's good enough. No one else need think so.

I sat staring at my computer screen last night. Hoping all the confusion would come out in words but it didnt. This morning the words came and with it the question. How often do you feel happy? Well and truly satisfied. Me? Everyday. Not all day, everyday. But everyday. And that I love.

Lazy bug!

2009-06-06T22:00:00.000+05:30

Today was one of those days. I didn't get out of bed at all. It was brilliant. Was in my jammies till nine and then i took a shower and got into another pair :)

This kind of day I would normally spend thinking and writing, today I watched Sex and the City, Prince and Me, season two of Fresh Prince of Bel air,read three comics, four pages of French Lieutenants Woman, ate a sandwich and slept a little. And for some reason I got a strange thrill from doing it.

The last few days have been busy, Yesterday was terribly fun. We woke up and drove to the beach Early in the morning. Four independent girls driving themselves (and a little brother) to the beach. In an Indica. Yes we were quite the candidates for that famous "Indica V2" AD. We even broke out into spontaneous song. Had the most amazing sandwiches for lunch yesterday. Some place N discovered. WOW! Fries, huge sandwiches and moms cheesecake after. Food heaven!

The day was brilliant. Us girls having the time of our lives. We jumped around dancing and singing with the music blaring. Being anything we wanted. Laughed our heads off and finally fell asleep exhausted. Was the perfect sleepover, in broad daylight :) We've been together for ever and anyone who saw us yesterday would be able to tell why. A, N, T- Love you guys insanely!

I got myself a memory box. Or rather I got myself a new one and painted all over it. While putting my stuff into the new one I came across so many things. Remembered so much that made me laugh and cry. Later that night, I lay in bed, thinking. Going back in memories is like reading old pages of your life and seeing how much you've changed. Progressed or regressed. I realised that I didn't love the person I was at every stage of my life, but I love me now. And the most exciting part? That I know five years later , when I look back I'll see a different person.

Unlike a lot of people, I like change. I like seeing how I react to it. Its challenging and it keeps life moving. Its makes life alive.

I know today was meant to be a thinking day :)

There you go! My soul searching for the day!

2009-06-06T18:55:00.000+05:30

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.”

-Benjamin Disraeli

A long ride!

2009-06-04T18:41:00.000+05:30

Was supposed to have my driving test today, but I freaked. About doing a stupid figure eight on a bike. The bike is a machine I don’t use often enough and it’s happily decided to take me for a ride! Quite literally! Stupid thing! Shed some tears over my inability and after words of wisdom and hilarious stories I’m was set to take on the challenge. I suppose it’s an ego thing. I like being in control: ) I went and practiced in the evening. D and N came with me. Such supportive friends! Muah! Thanks guys! I’ve progressed. Operation License is on track!

Went and picked up a pair of fastrack shades. Very Audrey Hepburn they are. I wore them all day. Still wearing them actually. Feel very cool with them on. Enigmatic and everything: D

Was supposed to have a sleepover today but that’s not happening. Its going to be an all girls day tomorrow. Early in the morning, off to the beach: D We haven’t ever done that. And cheesecake too! It’s the only day that all four of us are together. This summer we’ve all been apart. For the first time in ages. Sounds so much like sisterhood of travelling pants! :D My life’s a book! YAY!

I’m reading the French Lieutenant’s Woman. I like it so far, but I’m reading it ridiculously slowly. Also reading some Sidney Sheldon as a break from the literature! AND NO! It’s not porn reading D! Stoopid!

OkByea!

2009-06-01T19:12:00.000+05:30

This above all, to thine own self be true.

-Shakespeare

And thats whats up!

2009-05-30T19:06:00.000+05:30

Yes, no posts in a long time! Yes! It is holidays and I actually have nothing worthwhile to do and I really should be writing. But the weird bit I seem to be insanely busy doing nothing. (I finally learnt that weird is spelt wEird and not wIerd. I blame my phone dictionary! It accepts both and that is not good for someone like me!) It’s rather exhausting too when I think of it.

Been lots happening other than the Pondy trip, my sister got her results! Rather thrilling they were. 91% and everything. Every family has its psycho and she qualifies. Anyway the result of the brilliant marks was that she got a much coveted phone! And my life has not been the same since, why? Because the child talks on top of her voice at anytime of the day or night! My sleep patterns have been seriously affected. Considering I have major insomnia problem that’s not a good thing. And her friends have such a comforting schedule, they call only when I decide to sleep. Bah! Or when she’s sleeping! That’s worse because the woman sleeps through everything. They are persistent children, you have to give them that much. If you don’t pick up they’ll keep calling till you do! Aargh!

I love the bathroom! It’s such a happy place filled with bright colors and happy thoughts! And it’s so conducive to thinking. About pretty much anything. I totally get that whole Eureka! Eureka! Story. I sympathize!

My little cousin A has been camping out at my place through the hols and thanks to him I’ve been playing so much Scrabble, UNO and relative word building! I love relative word building! Pink=maroon=five=ten=number! Yay! So brilliant! And that boy is good!

I have a new bag now. All set for college and all. Its very cool, “Burberry checks” I believe they are called! Now I have another dilemma! To cut or not to cut! I’m wondering whether to cut my hair real short or to let it grow out. Suggestions!! Help!

2009-05-28T18:38:00.000+05:30

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves, or rather loved in spite of ourselves

-Victor Hugo

Pondy Pandering!

2009-05-22T18:31:00.000+05:30

We finally did our Pondy trip! It was everything we imagined and more. So much more. J and I felt terribly important and independent. A was brilliant; she took us all around her open drain town: )

Started off early 20^th morning! Dad had work further down so we set of in the big white elephant! Picked J up on the way. I glimpsed her village. Looking forward to a proper visit!

Had breakfast in this little shop on the way that was over populated with below-the-hip kids. I’m seriously allergic to them and their tendency to stare at you in astonishment. I don’t like those things looking at with the expression that seems to say they are questioning my existence on this planet!

A picked us up from near some statue and that was the beginning! We went to her place, which is pretty darn amazing, and met her mom. After the grand tour of the house we collapsed on her bed. Anyone would have thought J and I did all the driving. Ah well, we’re entitled to our melodrama! We were on vacation. After lunch, appam and stew, Here I have to mention that A’s mom is a brilliant cook and I cannot find explanation for how that girl resembles a toothpick!

We went off to see her school. Such a truly convent school that it seemed a lot like mine. SO similar in fact. I suppose they all have similar traits. Of course, J has a few not so flattering things to say about convent schools. They include our apparent fondness for hugs and what she terms gay music.
Oh! Then went to this paper factory and, being the obsessed child I am, picked up so much paper! They actually showed us how it was done and all. J fell in love with this scary cutting machine that stomped on huge sheaves of paper and cut it in half. Was too much like the guillotine for my taste but she loved it: ) but what joy that place was!

We followed it with an ice cream place where we took pictures! Pictures! We took so many of those! J has them all safely buried in some camera that she lost the cord for! Stupid child that she is. So now all the wonderful pictures we took are stuck with her!

We randomly walked around and reached the beach. Oh gosh. That was amazing. Just sitting on the rocks. Three girls, perfectly comfortable with themselves and each other. Sitting, laughing, singing, and contemplating. It was brilliant. We sat there for two hours and spoke of everything.

Dinner was Italian pizza. Oh boy! What would the world be without cheese! J and a ridiculously small stomach! A and I eat like cows. The only difference being that fat seems to evaporate off of her! Stupid size zero child!

We got home to cricket! That was fun. It’s always fun watching us win : ) A was supporting Deccan chargers. Loyalty to her work place apparently. But they deserved her support, however misguided.

We spoke through the night. J got her first taste of pouring her heart out with alcoholic assistance. Sitting on the terrace that night we spoke of so much and more. Got back down. Went to sleep around four.

We were up the next morning and in spite of the severe lack of sleep we were all kicked to go! It was Auroville’s turn to meet us. After breakfast of puri and potato, excellent as earlier mentioned, we set off. Driving there, each of us took a window and stared out of it into emptiness. Lost in thought I suppose. The place was pleasant and we walked all around the model township. Entered the Matri Mandir area and it was brilliant! Clean, pollutant free and silent. Trust A and J to find a store, they walked around dreaming of all the things they would buy when they could afford it and speaking of how useless a shopper I was. In my defense! I just don’t enjoy it!

Took a bunch of pictures, what else would we do, and drove back home. A decided to make pasta for us! Oh it was good! J scandalizes me by how little she eats! Really! Not that I was complaining, I got to eat her share of the yumminess! We sat around talking for a bit and then realized that our sleep deprived minds needed some sleep if they were going to let us do anything other than stare blankly at each other’s faces. On the subject of sleep, A exists on almost no sleep. I mean really! The whole time J and I were worshipping the Gods of Sleep, A was whispering on the phone! And after having done that the whole night! *sigh

We woke up; or rather I woke up and began to click pictures of J sleeping, thus waking her up, and decided that we would go for a Tamil movie, to kill time. The lucky movie was Sarvam. Oh good lord! For those of you who have seen the movie, that should explain it. For those of you who haven’t, DON’T! We were all kicked about watching a movie with balcony tickets for 40 bucks. That won’t buy popcorn down here. After the excitement of the cheap tickets and pictures, yeah we took those *surprise*surprise, posing with the tickets and all, we went for food. *grin*grin. We ran into one of those super market things and attacked everything edible. Found lots of food and strolled back to the theatre already content. The movie eventually began, and it must be said that the theatre wasn’t bad at all. As for the movie. Less said the better. After three hours of what has to be the modern version of torture, we walked out to brilliant showers! Rain! It was amazing! Pouring down in buckets. A’s dad came to pick us up and we drove back all happy and content.

After dinner and a little IPL action we went up to the terrace. Terraces are such good places to bond. Everyone seems to let down inhibitions, though I’m not sure the three of us have too much of that in the first place, and generally connected. I suppose some critics would insist I say gossiped. Ah well. We helped A reveal to the Big Sister her relationship status and bonded some more over that. All in a day’s work.

The night gave way to day and our time in Pondy was done. We were soon to be catching a bus back home. Goodbyes and hugs did the rounds. With polite invitations from aunty to come again, I hope she means it because we took it to heart; we were sent off with foil wrapped sandwiches. A found us a bus and soon we were on our way home. Considering it was ridiculously early for me and even more so for J we just nodded off to sleep. It’s a brilliant drive at that time of the day and I’m glad we did it. All previous experiences had been in a car with daddy dearest driving. Soon we were home and catching up on seriously lacking sleep.

It was a brilliant trip and I loved every moment. A’s parents are absolute angels, unassuming and so concerned. Not to mention A herself. Her mum made me realize that mums everywhere are pretty much the same. Friends are fun. So are vacations. Things are never what you expect and rarely what they seem. J gets high real quick: D. Paper making is fun. Walking can be fun too. Shopping needs patience. Digital cameras are awesome. Phone cameras are genius. Food is good. Good food is great. Late night conversations are revealing. IPL is fun. Bus rides aren’t terrible. Kids are scary. Movies that don’t qualify as watchable will run “Successful four weeks!”

Love. Laugh. Live.

2009-05-19T18:31:00.000+05:30

The more we start loving someone, the more we fear losing them. Not because of insecurity but simply because you cant afford to lose the precious things that make you happy

One, Two Buckle my shoe!

2009-05-07T23:03:00.000+05:30

Today was such a randomly weird day! I missed my run in the morning, woke up at eight. Stretched. Dragged myself outta bed, walked into the next room and dumped myself into bed again. Unfortunately I couldn’t sleep. Checked my mail, I really shouldn’t do that early in the morning! It’s depressing to see that my maximum correspondence is with Face Book!

I sat and watched half a season of 90210. It must be said, that is a show that is filled with so much drama it’s hard to believe. Yet, I saw one episode and I was all, so lame! Bla! How ridiculous. But three episodes later I was going “Give me more! More! What happens next?” The power of soap operas!

I finally decided to give myself a break and began what is becoming a very frequent pastime. Staring at my ceiling. Like I’ve mentioned before, it gives me some profound insights. Today’s was that it needs repainting. I doubt my dad’s going to appreciate my revelation considering he was pushing for a white ceiling! But really how dull!

And then came the weird part! I suddenly wanted to know what it would be like if I got into a washing machine. Mines too small. Only my legs fit in and you can’t shut the door. I'll probably fit into one of those huge things you see at dry cleaners on TV! But that reminded me of the Calvin strip that had Calvin getting into the toilet and flushing it for a quick shower! I wanted to know what that would be like! I wonder if anyone would volunteer their kid! So that’s how I spent my afternoon! Trying to convince a friend, or at least she was; my evil plans for her child might have changed that, to get married and have a kid so I could try Calvin’s bath idea! Apparently that’s evil and not very humanitarian. Sigh. Who knew!

I was rubbing my chin in thought and suddenly I burst out into crazy laughter! Why? For some random reason I felt like Abe Lincoln! Yeah! I was nuts. (I think my friend resigned herself to the fact that I was beyond hope at this point, yes she was still on the phone) After this epiphany there were a few peaceful moments before I decided I wanted to be a Fire engine. Or a fire fighter. Just so I could jump from the top of a high rise building onto that fun inflatable raft thing they put out! I saw that on Beauty and the Geek yesterday! Yes, I watch too much trash TV! Can’t help it!

All the hyperactivity somehow put me to sleep and I woke up all ready to watch a brilliant match. It got rained out! :-/ On the IPL topic, I’m in love with ZooZoo’s! Anyone who can get me one will be greatly rewarded! With my eternal gratitude! I’m off. I have Twilight waiting for me. Then again I’m halfway through it and it’s waited two days, a while longer won’t matter.

I have a cold again! From eating oranges! It’s really unfair! I like that fruit! I don’t mind cold’s when they make my voice all gravelly and sexy. This! It’s just annoying! Hope it runs away fastly!

OkBye!

PS: The title is cause that rhyme is in my head!

Love isnt just in laughter; its often in tears

2009-05-05T21:10:00.000+05:30

Very often people question what a relationship is if there is constant hurt in it. How there can be love when there is tears. But what is true is that if that it hurts then there is love. Why do people we love hurt us? But the question is baseless. Hurt is a confirmation that there is love in the relationship. If a stranger does something your reaction to it would be impersonal. “Oh my god! How can he do something like that?!”, “Oh my! Has she no heart?”, but if someone you know and love does it there will be pain. The fact that there is hurt is acknowledgement that it comes from someone you love and care deeply about. If you choose to give up love in order to avoid the pain, you will be left with only solitude and despair. Love isn’t all laughter and happiness. Its tears too. Love isn’t conditional. It isn’t this or that it’s this and that. All inclusive. Everlasting. And that is the beauty of it, I’ve learnt.

“Every cuff or caress my mother ever gave me had love in it”

Murphy Muldoon

2009-05-05T21:03:00.000+05:30

Sometimes you have got to run away to see who cares.

Sometimes you have to talk quietly to know who’s listening.

Sometimes you have to start a fight to see who is standing by you.

Sometimes you got to make the wrong decisions to see who will fix it.

Sometimes you have to let go to see what comes back.

Where are we going my lovely?

2009-05-04T20:40:00.000+05:30

"Blindly following a predetermined, predestined path”

Kunthi and the Nishadin

Mahasweta Devi

Are we? Do we all merely exist? Letting life take us on a path that the stars have marked out for us? Or are our lives a result of something greater? Do we get to choose? Choice? We all have it don’t we? Or is it simply the illusion of it? Or are we all simply tossed by the winds of fate? Where are we going? What are we doing? Do we have a purpose? Are those stories that we heard as a child, the ones about every person and everything having a reason for existence, are those stories true? Or do some simply exist for existence sake? To be the cheerleaders for another’s triumphant march to glory?

There is this, game I suppose you could call it, that requires two people to have a conversation using only questions. Watching that made me realize that even normal conversation is full of questions. When you tell someone you want to go around the world in eighty day, they might laugh and say brilliant you should! And yet there are the unsaid questions, “are you serious?” or “do you ever stop joking?”, “Why would you want to?” The words might not have questions but the mind does. And it’s when these questions are left unanswered that the chaos begins. Don’t be afraid to ask, “What are you thinking?”, “what do you mean?”, “what’s running through your head?” If you’re around to wonder you deserve to know. And for when you get asked the question, if something is on your mind, say it. No matter what the consequences. It was asked for!

Back to destiny, are we simply a product of fate? Are our choices and actions merely a result of the arrangement of stars at the time of our birth? Do we really have the power to make our lives? And if we do, how do we make those choices? Is it our upbringing? Or is it something we're born with. In our DNA. Nature or nurture?

These questions aren't meant to be answered. Its simply what happens when I have too much time on my hands and I'm lying in bed staring at my ceiling. I've discovered a lime green ceiling induces profound thoughts and occasional enlightenment.

2009-04-29T21:06:00.001+05:30

Let there be space in your togetherness,

and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls…

Give your hearts but not into each other’s keeping.

-Khalil Gibran

Its been a year!

2009-04-28T21:37:00.000+05:30

I’m done. One year of college is over. I’ve done so much in the last ten months that its flown by. I’ve made new friends. Repeated old mistakes. Discovered new things about myself. Forgotten other things. Had new experiences. Revisited old ones.

The year has been eventful to say the least. When I hear people talking about applications for college and uncertainities of results a look back and realize that was me not very long ago. Am I different now? Yes. A good different? Only time will tell.

Ole blu' ones!

2009-04-20T20:51:00.000+05:30

Rugged. Denim. Blue. Well worn. Ink stained. Been with me through thick. And thin. Had sand in her pockets. Held me close when I was crying. Dried my tears. Comforted me when I was alone. Made me look great. Helped me feel loved. Pulled me through ‘fat days’. Caused me some as well. Sat with me on late nights. Slept with me when I was too tired to move. Put up with my idiosyncrasies. Made me feel beautiful. Brought me compliments. Been my best friend. Eternal. Comforting. Memories. Faded. Scribbles.

There will come a time where, like everything else material, I will outgrow her. Then my mother will deem her unfit for further appearance in society. Maybe I’ll keep her or maybe another one just as good will come along, but no matter what I’ll always love my BlueJeans.

Heartbreak....

2009-04-11T17:32:00.000+05:30

I read this in a book and i absolutely adored it. Exactly what I've always wondered.

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, its completely silent. You would think it’s so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it’s silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.

If there is a noise, its internal. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea; it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That’s what it looks like and that’s what it sounds like, a thrashing, panicking, trapped great beast, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that’s the thing about love- no one is untouchable. It’s as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, its silent. You’re just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

Cecelia Ahern

If You Could See Me Now

Countdown!

2009-03-10T18:27:00.000+05:30

I've been waiting 18 years for the day! And it finally feels like its here. I'm turning 18! Ages after most other people I know! Highly frustrating but no more complaining! Its here! I dont really have plans. Its board exam season and the sibling is going to be right in the middle of it. Me being the considerate sister will have a quiet day. Turning 18 warrants on of those introspective/retrospective type posts. It will be up!

I should warn you that below are ramblings, so you can skip them =]

It was sports day in college on Saturday. Depressing state of affairs I must say. I spent two hours going on about how terrible it was and then another two hours wishing I was back in school in the midst of the flurried activity I knew as sports. The only bright spot was that our oh so generous college gave us ice cream. I had three and I was so terribly happy! Then it was time for the penguin lunch! YAY! Finally. Spent so much time laughing and consuming cheese at that meal! My penguins have rather embarrassing evidence of how chocolate and cheese give me a high.

My sleep patterns have turned insane. I sleep at one and then wake up to see if the environment around me has changed at two thirty and then at four. Its freaky how accurate my body clock is. Yes, nature and her wonders.

College is such an educating experience. Apparently Madhavan said at a recent talent show that it didn't matter what you did in college as long as you went to college. Cause college was where you learnt the realities of life. I'm inclined to agree. I don't know about realities. But I've learnt a lot. Been enlightening. This deserves another post!

My room is such a mess. It has been for days. My mother says I'm going to grow up and I will leave a messy home everyday and when I get back it will still be messy and my whole life will be cluttered as your surroundings reflect who you are. Oh and Obama's kids clean their own rooms! Well bully for them, I like the mess.

Its raining in Chennai. In the middle of March. My Enviromental Science teacher used it to explain for the nth time what global warming does to our planet. We have our exams next week. I have one the day after my birthday. Depressing as hell! I haven't even finished research on all the projects we have due. *sigh. I dont think thats a particularly good thing.

You know when you find something or someone that changes how you look at everything. That fills your head. My poetry teacher calls it a nemisis. But then she says a lot of rubbish. I need to think about where my mind is taking this.

I hear I need to work on my descriptive skills. My writing is too narrative and not descriptive enough. I shall work on it.

See ya!

Its over and I miss it...

2009-02-28T18:31:00.000+05:30

I know I haven’t posted anything in about a month but that's because my life had been taken over by the college play. I lost my life to it, was unable to carry out non play conversation, friends disowned me until the play was over. Suddenly words like tech, light stands, sound stacks, gels and filters all made sense to me. It was like BabaOH opened up a whole new side of me that I never knew existed. Being production coordinator of BaBaOH defined my last three months at college, taught me so much and left some brilliant memories. Months of worrying, running around, hard work and laughter. A 14 hour tech day. Two hectic days of show. The Annual College Play came and it has made an undeniable impact on every person involved in the production. Months ago people were questioning if the play would happen now I'm wishing we could do it all over again.

I met some brilliant people through this production. The penguins, of course, being the most important. I worked the most and the closest with the whacked penguin. She was amazing through the whole thing. From putting up with my insane jokes to actually encouraging my annoying enthusiasm. From letting me enter her house at early hours to wake her up and play with her piggies to letting me deal with the sound guy who never stops talking. From randomly calling people from the yellow pages to listening to me 10 hours in college and still getting home and texting me. All the inside jokes we shared. The mindless laughter. The huge ego trips. I miss it all. We developed a bond and learnt so much getting there. We cribbed, we bawled about efficiency, we were annoyed by the lack of funds, we ran around doing everything we had to and soo much more but what I remember the most is the fun and the laughter. That is what I take away from BLACK & BLUE AND OTHER HUES. The fun and the laughter we had, in spite of all the complaining we threw our lives into the production and hoped to hell that it paid of.

There were other people, two more penguins. The most highly dedicated children ever. They worried about everything there was to worry about, anything with the remotest connection to the play. The worried one still worries and we can’t help but love her for it. The high one gave up worrying a while back and now she’s just being highness. Apart from the penguins there were a whole bunch of other people, an amazingly talented cast, super energetic crew and a brilliant director. The cast improved every time I saw them and the final result was mind blowing! I can’t pick a favorite actor. They were all so perfectly cast and I loved the end result! The crew lugged around everything so uncomplainingly. I’m so grateful to each of them for figuring it all out so well. And B was so so nice about the whole thing. We know we din’t give him half the stuff he asked for but working with him made our work 200 times simpler. Specially considering we were learning on the job.

Suddenly it was Friday and we had less then 24 hours to the first show. Everyone involved gave 200% and magically transformed our ugly convent type auditorium into the most appropriate place for BaBaOH. The question we had been asking ourselves all a long was about to be answered. Was all the effort worth it. The morning of the show and I ran around doing all those little things that pop up and then it was done. I looked at my penguin companion and we realised that there was nothing left to do but wait. The first show happened and we heard criticism from every side. Specially about the sound! Tech was our department and it went wrong. How! After all the work? This wasn't supposed to happen! We would set it right! She sat at lights with the man. I sat at sound and troubled the life outta the sound boy. Fortunately I had good company so it wasn't an ordeal. But that show killed it! That was what the effort was all for. The next two shows went equally well but its Day 1, Show 2 that remains my favorite! I loved everything about it. At the end of Day 2 I was exhausted but exhilarated! My whole family came to pick me up, cat included and I went on for the whole ride home about how brilliant the play was. Our question had been answered, two days and four shows later we had the answer. It was worth it. Every last bit of it. The long hours, the fits of tension, the constant worry. It was all worth the final result. Ask any of the people who worked on it and they will all tell you about the lessons they learnt, the friends they made and most of all how they would do it all over again given the smallest chance.

Today I couldn't help but think last week this time....I miss it, but I hope I'm looking at so much more of this with better results every time. I know I expect it.

To everyone who made BaBaOH a part of my best memories I *heart* you :D

I <3 me =]

2009-02-01T18:12:00.001+05:30

1.I'm most grateful and regretful for my ability to trust people.

2.I judge people by the way they text. I hate texting short forms. The only ones I use are 'ppl' and 'msg'. And I detest 'lol'.

3. Kids scare me. I have nightmares about them and I wake up sweating.

4.I love acronyms. My current favorite is BABA OH

5.My favorite holiday is Christmas. I still believe in Santa Claus.

6. I often pretend I'm a famous executive making life changing decisions in my bathroom.

7. I love crayons. My favorites are the black and white ones

8.The people I admire and respect the most are my parents.

9. I usually read three books at the same time. Or I'm reading two and planning to read another

10. I often wake up at 2 in the morning and clean my room.

11. I fall for the fictional men I read about yet I don't think I've ever felt that way about a real man.

12. If I could be an animal I'm want to be a dolphin.

13. I love Microsoft Word because it has Spell check and Word Count.

14. I rather enjoy melodramatic soap operas

15. I love smells. Old books. Clean clothes. Fresh paint. Turpentine. Wet earth. Rain.

16. I surprise myself by the depth of my emotion on occasion

17. I have strong opinions that I don't share very often.

18. My dream role would be Bond girl.

19. I don't think marriage or commitment is anywhere remotely in my life plan.

20. I am paranoid about hurting the people I love.

21. I love praise in every form though I try hard to be modest.

22. I love how my name is spelt. I hate it when people leave out the 'h'. But now that a lot of people are calling me 'D' I'm beginning to get used to it.

23. I cant remember the last time I have been angry.

24. I cannot deal with silence. It unnerves me. I carry out conversations in my head.

25. I have strong ideas about religion.

26.I think I could be bi-sexual.

27. I don't know my mother tongue as well as I want to.

28. I'm very accepting of most things. There is very little I would try to change about the people I love.

29. I love swimming. I love the weightlessness that comes with it.

30. I love talking to my family.

31. I love meeting new people and making new friends. I love people who like me :)

32. I'm very good at saying and knowing the sensible thing to do but it takes time for me to actually follow it.

33. I find similarities with my life in almost every book I read or movie I watch. I also feel every song was written for me or someone I know.

34. I think I will live alone with two dogs and my best friend from work will be in love with me. :)

35. I've learnt a lot from Calvin. He is the only kid I liked for a long time.

36. I come up with new favorite words and sounds almost everyday.

37. I love cola flavored lollipops.

38. I rarely forget birthdays and I need everyone I know to remember mine. I get every offended if they forget.

39. I don't like shopping.

40. I delete forwards that say forward to all or else.

41. I get high on cheese and chocolate.

42. I introspect a lot.

43. I have an ideal Dhiya.

44. I love my cell phone. Don't think I can live without it. I talk/text way too much.

45. I truly believe that 'Thank You' is a magic word.

46. I hate it when I suffer from writers block.

47. Injections terrify me. I hate the preparation to it more then the actual injection.

48. I have ridden twice in an ambulance and I don't remember it.

49. I love crayons and coloring.

50. I love college. I miss it when I can't go.

51. My life revolves around my bed.

52. I enjoy cheesy love songs though I often claim they're gay.

53. I'm attracted to people who seem intimidating.

54. I detest the word cute because I think its connotative of pink.

55. Yes, I hate pink.

56. I'm emotional but I hate showing it.

57. I see tears as a sign of weakness in myself and sensitivity in others.

58. I would do many things if I was paid to.

59. I brush my teeth at all times of the day.

60.I feel the need to protect people.

61. I love SuperMan because he takes a journalist up in the air and kisses her.

62. I love bubbles.

63. And cotton candy.

64. I love my moms cooking.

65. I can be aggressive but I believe its passion.

66. I want to be in a fist fight. And win.

67. The first thinng I notice about people are their shoes and nails.

68. I believe in wishing upon the first star.

69. I am obviously self obsessed. This started of as a list of 25 things. Its become 70 :P

70. I've bin told I live in a bubble but I love it and everyone in it. Though I have disliked people for certain lengths of time mostly I love.

Book Review-Q&A

2009-01-17T19:58:00.000+05:30

Vikas Swarup’s debut novel tells the story of an 18-year-old boy who is a waiter at a bar in Mumbai. The penniless boy has just won one billion rupees on a game show called ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire’. The idea that a boy with no formal education could be a winner is certainly absurd. The people behind the show think he has cheated, and Ram Mohammad Thomas, who has been given Hindu, Muslim and Christian names because of his unknown parents, finds himself in the jail. When Ram is first introduced to us he is in prison, under arrest after the show's producers lodge a complaint against him. After ill-treating Ram the police turn him over to a human rights lawyer, Smita Shah, who takes him to her flat, and begins probing for an explanation, prompted by a DVD of the episode in which Ram made his fortune. The whole book is about him proving his innocence. He relates episodes from his life in Mumbai, Delhi and Agra. Incredibly yet plausibly, Ram knows the answers because of his life experiences and each incident helps him find the correct answer to the questions being posed to him. At the outset, Ram Mohammad Thomas says he got lucky simply because had the experiences that gave him the opportunity for the right answer. He did get very lucky - he was asked a question about an actress- he had worked for her. He was asked about a diplomatic term- he had worked for an Australian diplomat. He was asked an English literature question- he had helped an English teacher and called him up for help. But the focus of the novel is not the show; it is the story of the life of Ram Mohammad Thomas and therein lies its appeal.

The book is divided into chapters according to the questions asked. Named after the amount of money won, each chapter begins with the narration of the incident and ends with the question and Ram answering it successfully. The quirks of fate, which help Ram Mohammad Thomas to win the quiz, are huge, but somehow they seem believable because of the way it has been approached. The book is written in such an endearing way that the reader waits to see how each incident helps answer a question. Well written and fast paced in most places the book on the whole is a very pleasant read. Perceptive about India and frequently hilarious, this is a remarkable debut novel.

Title: Q & A

Author: Vikas Swarup

Publisher: Black Swan

Price: Rs 195/-

Tommorrow's Promise- Book Review

2009-01-16T18:32:00.001+05:30

Bubbles Sabharwal’s book explores Shirin Bhatia’s life, which typically revolves around her husband and her daughter. She strives to be a good wife, a perfect wife to her husband Kabir. She is a typically small town girl who has been brought into the city through her husbands work. This longing for perfection goes terribly haywire when her husband introduces her to the highly successful Udayn Batra. She feels a sudden inexplicable desire for him. The desire is not explained any time through the course of the novel. Kabir’s work becomes more productive and his life more successful. Her spoilt daughter moves abroad and Shirin finds herself all alone in an empty house. She meets Udayn at occasional, accidental intervals and yet is completely in love with him. In a tragic twist she learns of Udyans death and before she absorbs it her husbands fast lifestyle catches up with him and he suffers a stroke. Her daughter blames her for it. Lost and seemingly alone Shirin throws herself into NGO work and puts her life back together again.

The book begins well as the reader is offered a peek into Shirins everyday life. It traces her life in four stages though it is rather disconnected. The flow of events and its consequences is somewhat unreal. However the book has a few rather interesting sub plots that haven’t been delved into enough. For example, Shirin’s single friend who is in a dysfunctional relationship and an ex-girlfriend of Udayn’s nephew who later transforms herself. These characters flutter in and out of the novel and while you want to know more about them and why they are like this you never find out. There are sparks where the book is captivating and Sabarwal has a talent of describing scenes in a great detail with minimal words. The family takes a trip to Tokyo that perfectly portrays their lives. The book loses out because you never feel connected to the plot or characters. It remains a story till the very end. The experiences described in the book are likely realistic but its explanation lacking. Even Shirin’s thought process isn’t explained clearly enough. The book has a bollywood film story plot and is appealing in parts.

Title: Tomorrows Promise

Author: Bubbles Sabharwal

Publisher: Penguin

Price: Rs 199

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